en-tur-TAIN-miNT

Exit Stage Left

2006-06-23T07:44:00.000-07:00

Well, we knew this was coming. It was just a matter of when. The time has come to take the next step forward.

As much as I love it in L.A., I must see what else life has to offer. So Trace has decided to shut it down once and for all. I must apologize for the lack of posts the past few weeks, I have been busy with getting things ready for my big year long trip to Japan.

We had a lot of good times together didn't we? I just wanted to tell you guys it was over face to face, rather than write it in a note, and then have someone else give it to you ;)

But much love to the people that come on here and read this thing. I don't want to brag but my blog, probably the best one in the Universe...or the five planets closest to the sun.

I just want to fire off a few random thoughts about my feelings on some people and things here and there.

-Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, and Kevin Federline are NOT celebrities. They do nothing! One is an anorexic who's dad was a semi-good singer twenty years ago, the other is a wannabe black guy who leeches off his once attractive wife, and the last is a mentally retarded blonde girl who has no talent whatsoever, and just spreads VD around the greater Los Angeles area. These people are the scum of the earth, yet their every movement is tracked and covered like people care. They don't, so find someone else to report on who actually has talent.

-Even though Lindsay Lohan is a crazy ass chick, and has literally started a feud with Paris Hilton, P Diddy, Cameron Diaz, and the Simpson Sisters, I still would take her to Steak and Shake and introduce to her my parents later that night. I love her....

-The movie industry is going to hell in a handbasket. I blame the American family for it. I hate animated movies for starters. "Oh but Trace, ICE AGE is so funny!" "Yeah if you're fucking seven it is funny Peter Pan.Get over it and watch Law and Order, you're an adult for gods sake!" Plus there has been a huge influx of "family movies" lately. (See: Pacifier, The RV, Click, etc) Great actors are doing the family picture because it will make a shitload of cash. Sure making money is the name of the game I know, but you are whores for doing it and I hate you. Click looks like a horrible movie...so it will be number one.

-Snakes on a plane will be number one at the box office for one weekend. I guarantee it.

-The sequel to snakes on a plane will also be number one at the box office. It will also star Samuel L Jackson.

-Please Hollywood, make one more Deuce Bigalow...I'm begging you. So is Rob Schneider after his latest Ford Focus Car Payment bounced.

-Enough with Reality Tv already. This has been the single leading cause of the slow death for tv. Like Survivor, The Amazing Race, Fear Factor, and American Idol can stay. But the rest have to go. Wait, I also like celebrity boxing. I don't watch any of these shows anymore, but they were alright in their prime. Speaking of American Idol, there is another show called America Has Talent. Hmmmm, it has three judges, one of which is a washed up of star, the other a witty, devilish Englishman, and the other is....fucking David Hasselhoff. This judging set up is something like I have seen before, but I can't think of it. Speaking of the Hoff, that fucking guy is everywhere these days. AT NBA Finals, in court, at movie premieres, and on a new tv show. How did this happen? I draw the line when Corey Feldman and Corey Haim get their own reality show. That's just enough already.

-And last but not least a final top ten.

Best movie endings.

10. Psycho (original)
9.25th Hour
8.Sixth Sense
7.Memento
6.Ocean's 11 (Original or Remake pick' em)
5.Shawshank Redemption
4.Interview With The assassin
3.The Thomas Crown Affair
2.Rocky
1.Usual Suspects

Thanks for reading, much love, and to quote Bruce Willis from Die Hard 1:
"Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs"

-Trace ;)

Football vs futbol

2006-06-18T13:40:00.000-07:00

With the world cup in full gear now, I thought to myself what sport has better celebrations?

Football (NFL) or Futbol (Soccer)?

Thoughts, ideas, suggestions, girls measurements and turn ons?

Video Killed The Radio Star

2006-06-16T10:13:00.000-07:00

What does this picture have to do with music videos? Absolutely nothing. But when I typed in "music videos" in google image search this picture was on the first screen so I had to include it. Oh and it's also the fucking time machine cruising on the highway to which is the most bitching thing ever!

Anyways, I watched some music videos today, thought it would be good for me because I have not really seen any music videos in a long amount of time. But back in the day, there were some killer videos. I am going to give a top ten on my favorite videos of all time. I know they will all be heavily disputed, but I say do what you go to do son. As a disclaimer, videos 10 through 2 are in no set order at all really.

10.All Falls Down (Kanye West)
One great artist+one great song+shots of stacey dash running from behind=a kick ass video. (I still can't believe she is 40. That just defies science.)

9.Dirty (Christina Aguilera)
I'm a heterosexual male. That's my explanation.

8.Da Funk (Daft Punk)
A giant dog who can talk to people, and can with despite having a broken leg! You have to give respect to that. I have seen this video many a time, and I still love it when I see it. I still have no idea to this day what the video means, but that's not saying much because I thought Romeo and Juliet was a story about world domination.

7.Buddy Holly (Weezer)
Easily could have gone higher on the list, but there are so many to choose from. Any time you combine a great band, mixed with shots of Happy Days only good things can come out of it. Pretty original idea to, and I had to fit this one in.

6.Praise You (Fatboy Slim)
I honestly wanted to put this video number one. I really and truly did, but it wouldn't be right like making a move on a girl while she's sleeping. But I will say it is the most genius video I think on the list. I swear its my dream in life to go to a really fancy bar one night randomly with a group of people, and then just bust out the entire torrance dance group performance right there on the dance floor.

5.Just (Radiohead)
What was that dude saying on the street? We'll never know. Maybe he was just explaining to people the benefits of lying down on the street. No, that's just a bunch of malarky!

4.These Days (Alien Ant Farm)
They crashed the fucking BET awards man! It was genius! And you got to see people get arrested on a music video, unlike Limp Bizkit's attempt to make it look like it was real, but wasn't in the "Nookie" video. The reactions are great from the people who are on the red carpet at the BET awards as well.

3.Triumph (Wu Tang Clan)
A solid track for starters, but more importantly it's a long video that keeps your attention the whole way through it. Every member of the Clan is involved in this track, unlike some of their other videos they released. Each member in this video is doing their own thing including rapping in a huge inferno, from outer space, and leading a motorcycle gang. Throw up the W's for this one...I don't know what that even means.

2.Jeremy (Pearl Jam)
I heard their new song on the radio the other day and it's damn good. But this video I think is overlooked in the grand scheme of things. Maybe because it hit to close to home as it is actually based on a true story. Either way the video is great, and Eddie Vedder actually looks possessed by the devil in this video. Great times all around.

1.Thriller (Michael Jackson)
It's a given.

Honorable mentions go out to:

California Love (Dr. Dre and Tupac)
Big Me (Foo Fighters)
Clint Eastwood (Gorillaz)
Juicy (Notorious BIG)

Ummmm, say what?

2006-06-14T18:58:00.000-07:00

There is the age old question, who is smarter: Men or women? While, I am not here to try and settle that debate, I think that men definitely shot themselves in the foot recently, and here is the evidence.

Esquire magazine recently posed the question to male readers "If you could have dinner with one female celebrity, who would it be?" These are the top three in order (I'm not lying either)

1.Condoleezza Rice
2.Oprah Winfrey
3.Angelina Jolie

I have no logical explanation as to why Condoleezza Rice is at the top of this list. I mean sure she is the right hand man...errrr woman to the President, but does that constitute her as number one on the dinner date scene? Methinks not. Oprah I can understand because all dinner I would just try and convince her to buy the entire state of South Dakota, and let me have it all to myself. Apparently, Angelina Jolie is attractive but she's not, and if she adopts one more baby from "Nami-I don't know where the fuck you are on a map" I might drop kick her . So this list is the possibly the worst list ever.

Conversely they posed the same question, but instead of women, they were asked about men. Ok guys we can make it up here.

1.Jay Leno
2.Bill Clinton
3.George Clooney

LENO AS NUMBER 1!! WHAT GUYS ARE THEY ASKING! I WANT TO KNOW SO I CAN FUCKING SHIT IN THEIR WASHING MACHINES. Clinton, is an interesting guy, and extremely charismatic, as is Clooney. But Leno as number one...I just shake my head in utter disgust. Hell I would take Kevin Eubanks over Leno.

These answers make me question the male psyche. It's like asking the same group of males "If you could have any two Christmas gifts, ANYTHING IN THE WORLD, what would it be?"

I think their answer might be "Half a jar of mayonnaise, and a 40 watt light bulb"

Men shouldn't even be allowed to vote in any future elections for the next twenty years, and I'm dead serious.

Breaking up is hard to do

2006-06-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

Let's talk about it. Sure it's uncomfortable, but let's talk about it. The Break-Up, is it hope or hype?

Somewhere in between I would say.

Now first off, I am not a fan of "romantic comedies." However, when I saw the trailer for this I was intrigued. Plus, Vince Vaughn's career right now is equivalent to being on fire in NBA Jam. (Old School, Dodgeball, Wedding Crashers, Starsky And Hutch, and Thumbsucker which was an amazing indie film go check it out!)

The opening sequence while the credits roll is a montage of all these pictures of them doing girlfriend/boyfriend stuff, and then moving into a really sweet condo in downtown Chicago. Very shortly thereafter the couple has an impromptu blowup after a nice dinner and Anniston breaks up with Vaughn on the spot. She accuses him of being selfish and lazy, and he fires back saying all she does is nag him. Great scene as Anniston is trying to get Vaughn to fo the dishes and they start arguing while his attention is half on her, and half on his game of Grand Theft Auto.

However, Anniston does not really want to break up, she just wants Vaughn to basically appreciate her more. Yet the catch obviously being that they have such a nice condo they don't want to give it up, and they think that the other should move out. Let the good times roll.

The two figure out little schemes to get under the skin of each other so the other will move out. (having Anniston's gay brother perform with his choir in the apartment, Vaughn's strip poker party, Vaughn buying a pool table and putting it in the dining room, etc)

Finally, after the advice of their friend they decide to sell the condo because the fighting is out of control. Throughout all of this, Anniston is making subtle attempts to get back with Vaughn but he won't bite, even though he wants to. After they find a buyer for the condo, they both come to the realization that its really over because by this time the condo is the only thing keeping them somewhat together. So Anniston makes one last ditch effort to try and keep Vaughn...what happens? Well I won't say, you have to check it out because I don't want to ruin it.

Now the reviews seem to be mixed on this one from what I have read. But I have to lean on the side on those who enjoyed the film and here is why.

The film seems to be marketed as a "romantic comedy", but in essence it is not. It does have funny and comedic moments in it, but it has a much more serious tone to it overall, and I think they try to make a point of what a real life break up is more than anything, as opposed to drawing out laughs like all romantic comedies are intended to. They use the condo as the "reason" they are still quasi-together, but they could have used anything like a group of friends, amicable parents, a business operation they shared, etc. Having them use a living space though was what gave it a different feel to it than most other "romantic comedies."

The one up-manship is at its best between both sexes, and its probably the most realistic movie when it comes to a couple breaking up I think, but that's my opinion.

Overall, I walked away entertained but for different reasons than I thought I would be. I think this movie has been marketed completely wrong, and people will be shocked and maybe disappointed because the seriousness to it. But if you take it for what it's worth, then you will enoy it. It certainly stands out, and is much better than any other "romantic comedy"(...ughh I am sick of typing that) than I have seen, although I have not seen many, only when I have been forced to. But this is something both will like.

I give it like....7.9/10, it's a rental for sure. I saw this with a female friend, and I joked that I could see many couples going to this movie then going home that night and having "the talk" with their boyfriends, fiances, etc.

And that's what Hollywood is all about, ruining people's lives.

We made it guys

2006-06-08T12:41:00.000-07:00

I know 6/6/06 passed two days ago, but blogspot has been a piece of shit the last two days. I have not been able to get on it and post. I saw this picture and I laughed my ass off though. I thought I would share it.

Anyways, I promise some solid posts. I am winding down here, I have been busy with getting stuff ready for Japan. (and by that I mean taking a lot of naps, and drinking obscene amounts of chocolate milk. In fact, I drank a whole bag of milk and mixed it with Nesquick. I felt so bad at the end, I was like "Oh man, I am never drinking chocolate milk again....an hour later I had a glass and all was forgiven. I'm sorry chocolate milk for thinking such a thing)

But I promise the first ever book review to! Yeah bitches, I can read yo! This book has seriously altered my perception of the opposite sex. More to follow in the coming days, and also a movie review of the Break-Up which I just saw.

Movie Review: X-Men 3

2006-06-05T10:07:00.000-07:00

IT KICKED F*CKING ASS!!

Stranded on an island with one channel and one channel only

2006-05-26T16:29:00.000-07:00

Fuck Wilson.

I hate Volleyball.

But if I was only allowed to have one tv channel on a deserted island (because most islands have that option) I think it would be a hell of a tough choice. So let's take a look at what I might take:

ESPN
This is a given because I am a huge sports fan, and I like Stuart Scott's lazy eye. I would still want to keep tabs on the transactions going on in the world of sports. Plus I also love the show "Stump The Schwab". You watch this show for the first time and you say "wow, this guy had to be a huge loser to know all these pointless facts and stats." But after you watch it a few times, you begin to develop a bizarre respect for the guy. Plus they broadcast live games to for NFL, NBA, and MLB. No NHL, ah I love it!

TBS
Just because I really like The Breakfast Club and Back To The Future. TBS plays mad good movies, plus I see that they have added an additional hour in the morning of Saved By The Bell which gives it a huge push for me. It hurts though by having two plus hours of Everybody Loves Raymond and Sex In The City during the week. But it does have Atlanta Braves baseball, which cancels out the Raymond programming fiasco. With regards to the aforementioned movies, TBS hands down has the best movie edits ever to which add an element of unexpected humor to most movies played on TBS. I mean they had Boyz N' The Hood on TBS, and if you take out all of the edited parts it was like 13 mins running time.
Hilarity....

Nick At Nite
Most consistency from a programming standpoint. It is basically just a collection of 80's shows. But it's hard to turn a blind eye to such classics as Who's The Boss, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Full House, and The Cosby Show. I always liked the living room from the first season of Fresh Prince, but that's neither here nor there. The other shows such as Murphy Brown, Mad About You, and Funniest Mom 2 would allow me the time I needed to do other things such as take a dump, feed the geese, and go looking for food.

NBC
I did this with a lot of deliberation, but I think I made the right choice. NBC has added NFL football to its scheduling this year, and I am a fan of My Name Is Earl and The Office. Plus they also air "Saturday Night's Main Event", so that is a huge plus because its like Pay per view wrestling for free on regular cable. (You know I can't get PPV on the island bitches) Throw in Conan O' Brien, Last Comic Standing, and Las Vegas and you have some solid shows. I can overlook Deal or No Deal (shudder) and 67 different versions of Law And Order. NBC is also home to Scrubs as well, and while I have not seen an episode I have heard great things. But how they have let SNL sink so low is beyond me.

Pick Em: Nick At Nite. I am a child of the 80's man, and in many ways I am still living in yesteryear.

PS-I got a trip to the Midwest this week so there will be no posts.

Trace

Puff Puff Passing on being typecast

2006-05-23T10:51:00.000-07:00

Was in the video store last night and was checking out the new releases. I stumbled upon a movie called Puff Puff Pass starring one Danny Masterson.

Now you might now Danny Masterson as Steven Hyde on that 70's Show, or "Karl" from the movie Face Off. Anyways, with that 70's Show going off the air after it's eight year run, you would think that Masterson would go after roles that distanced himself from the character he played for such a long time.

Or maybe he wants to be the next Tommy Chong.

At least he has a movie coming out in 2007 called Smiley Face. The plot is about a young actress accidentally eats a plate of brownies with weed in them and then gets into a series of unabashed hijinx....fuck nevermind.

Good Luck Danny aka 'DJ DonkeyPunch'

Happy Belated Mother's day

2006-05-22T13:18:00.000-07:00

I know Mother's day was eight days ago, but I just had to send out a belated happy mother's day to Mrs. Federline.

"Britney, you are truly a great mother, and the symbol of class and dignity.It's tough to pull off the strung-out whore look, but you do it so effortlessly I have to tip my cap to you.If my mom looked like you, I probably would have been way more popular in high school. But alas she doesn't, but I still love her anyways. Keep doing what you're doing, it's working Brit"

Love Trace

GOOD-BYE WISCONSIN!

2006-05-12T18:04:00.000-07:00

This coming Thursday, the television world bids farewell to that 70's Show, and I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I watched an episode from this season and it was a struggle to say the least.

The new character "Randy" was supposed to fill the void of Eric after he left for Africa and that just should not have happened. Plus Kelso was also gone, and the tell tale signs were beginning to become glaringly obvious that this show was on its last legs. So in that vain, I am glad they are finally putting an end to the great run this show has had.

At the same time, it's always kind of sad to see a show that has had such a great run finally go off the air. I guess the people involved in the show can hold their heads high because it was not cancelled, they went out on their terms. This is just my personal opinion, I think in the grand scheme of things 'That 70's Show' was one of the best comedies in the past 20 years, and also its greatness has been overlooked and underrated since its inception in 1998. I think I have the reason why.

When you take a look at the best 'sitcoms' over the past 10 years the overwhelming majority have all been geared to an older audience. (IE Friends, Will and Grace, Seinfeld, Everybody Love Raymond, Frasier) Now all of these shows don't get me wrong are great shows, and deserve all of the credit and praise in the world. But it attracted for the most part an older audience lets say for an easy range 25-49. These shows in turn pulled in massive ratings for their respective networks which equated into the longevity of each show. I guess the two go hand in hand.

When you take a look at 'That 70's Show', it was more of a 'niche' show when it first started. It was about a group of teenagers which had the decade of the 70's as its backdrop. It obviously wasn't about the 70's, as the situations and problems they faced could have happened in most decades. The show was obviously geared towards a younger audience like 18-25 year olds. Now most shows geared towards a younger audience are usually axed in their infancy despite their popularity. (IE My So Called Life, Undeclared, Freaks and Geeks) So I think its a testament to the show itself that it not only survived that, but ended up having such a great run and was geared to, and attracted a much younger audience.

Should it deserved to be mentioned in the same breath as Seinfeld, Friends, or Frasier? I'd have to be honest and say probably not, but then again I think you would have it in the top ten comedies from the past 20 years. 8 Years is a huge span for any show, and I think the fact that it was a sitcom, it deserves extra points because writing a sitcom is much more difficult than other shows.

So this Thursday May 18th at 8pm, I am definitely going to check it out for one last time.

What sport would you rather watch? NCAA women's gymnastics or NHL Playoff hockey? I am going to go with gymnastics

2006-05-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

I finally watched a few minutes of playoff hockey last night, and the best I can say is ....meh.

The poor NHL can't catch a break south of the border, and it's not all their fault.

I mean 3 of the 4 series are 3-0, wow that has me on the edge of my seat.

Ok well wait, maybe there are some huge media markets and hockey hotbeds that they can still draw in like San Jose, Buffalo, New Jersey, Carolina, Edmonton, Ottawa,Anaheim, or Colorado? Ok scratch that idea to.

Well at least they have a television deal with NBC that can draw huge ratings right? (It's not like Fox, ABC, and ESPN have already given up on them)
Ummmm...think again. I think it's fitting that the NHL has found it's fourth different home in less than ten years and the initials are NBC. (N0-Body Cares)

Just get these playoffs over and done with so we can get to more coverage of other sports that are better like baseball, tennis, and pre-empted college gymnastics.

Mission Impossible 3 Review

2006-05-10T10:20:00.000-07:00

Took in MI 3 last night, and I have to say it did not deliver leaving me disappointed.

Now I am able to seperate hype from the actual movie itself, and there was certainly more than enough hype surrounding this film. When it was all said and done though, I think that this was maybe the worst of the three to be honest.

Just a few random rants about why I didn't think it lived up to my expectations.

You can't have a character who is a spy have a wife. In this third installment of MI, for some reason they give Ethan Hunt a wife. When you are a spy, it's automatically guaranteed that you get more ass than a toilet seat in a lesbian bar. You never heard James Bond say to a hot and willing woman "Sorry, I'm spoken for."
Just overall lack of action. A lot of people knocked MI 2 because it has just crazy over the top action. Personally, I loved that and was looking for more of the same in the third one. It was just too spread out, and even the action scenes they had were not as exciting as they were in MI 2.
When I saw the initial trailer it was the scene were Phillip Seymour Hoffman, (who was the villain) saying he was going to hurt Ethan's wife, make her cry, make her scream his name right before he killed her. In the movie this scene is actually pretty good as Hoffman just goes on and on about how he is going to kill Hunt and his wife all the while being tied down and surrounded. I thought Hoffman was going to be a serious bad-ass villain, and he was, yet he is not in the movie as much as he needed to be. It just centred way too much around Cruise, and Cruise himself. They really dropped the ball with not having more screen time for Hoffman's character.
The gap in Lawrence Fishburne's teeth just annoyed me. And every time he talked, there was always this massive close up of it so you could not miss it. I wanted to see if I could kick my popcorn container through the goal posts known as his two fornt teeth at one point it bugged me so much.

I would give this movie like a 6 out of 10. Maybe because I had such high expectation going in, it wasn't fair. But I really liked the first two, and three should have outdone both of them I figured going in.

Although one funny part, and I don't know if it was an inside joke or by design at the very end Cruise's character walks off with his wife, and all of the other agents in the background all put their arms up like when he was acting like a jackass on Oprah. It was pretty funny and for all the flack he takes about that appearance, its good to see he can laugh at himself.

Wait for it on rental, you are not missing anything spectacular by any means.

Stone Cold Lindsay Lohan

2006-05-08T19:06:00.000-07:00

You might be wondering why I am comparing Lindsay Lohan to Stone Cold Steve Austin. But when you look at it closer they are actually quite the same. Sure one is a beer swelling, ass kicking Texan who raises hell. The other is a fine wine drinking, psycho, man eater who raises hell from NYC.

See back in 1997 at the height of Austin's popularity he managed to piss off a different person every week, whup their ass, and drink lots of beer. It seems Lindsay Lohan is also attempting to follow in the footsteps of Austin 3:16, I mean she made Jessica Simpson cry.

She might not have the size or ass kicking ability of Steve Austin, but if I ran into Lohan I would be really scared...with a massive erection. Making it a unique situation to say the least.

I just can't wait to make it huge in Hollywood, date Lindsay Lohan for two days, then have her dump me for John Stamos.

Sure, Lohan is 19 and she has already been passed around more times than a bong at a PHISH concert, but how many times do you get to have care free sex with a crazy chick?

Yeah you gotta take advantage of that...

Workin' that 9-5

2006-05-08T10:05:00.000-07:00

I was thinking this morning, what would certain celebrities be doing as jobs if they were not in the entertainment industry. I came up with a few, hopefully you agree.

Vin Diesel-The guy who tests out food additives before they get approved by the FDA

Star Jones-human tarp to cover Yankee Stadium when there is a rain delay

Alfonso Ribiero-...wait you still have to be active in the entertainment industry... Pass (Shit that was awkward)

Rosie O' Donnell-I don't think she would have one set job, but maybe odd jobs here and there like babysitting, cleaning houses, and filling in for Satan when he has other things to attend to.

Jeff Goldblum-I just want to say Jeff Goldblum is the smartest man alive. Except maybe for Stephen Hawking, and Alex Trebeck. That being said, Goldblum would be doing a job that required a lot of thinking like the guy who writes material for encyclopedias, or creates really hard crossword puzzles in the newspaper. But in all likelihood a marine biologist.

50 Cent- Personal Trainer

Brad Pitt-A really genuine and charismatic waiter at Applebee's

George Clooney-Hard to say, but something involved with doing a lot of hot girls, drinking fine wines, and wearing nice suits....I've got it, fashion photographer, or adult film star.

Pat O' Brien-teaching classes at a local community college about how to communicate with your partner.

Move over Kevin Federline as "biggest white male douchebag"

2006-05-05T13:41:00.000-07:00

Remember last week when I wrote about Kevin Federline making it humiliating for me to be a young, white male?

I guess Tom Cruise saw my post, and felt the need to take that title for himself.

Good Lord, Why?

I'm still standing

2006-05-04T06:19:00.000-07:00

Trace where have you been? You usually post once a day, what hapened to you?

Well friends, I am horribly sick and cannot find any energy to come up with any witty posts. I am right in the middle of the sickness, so by Saturday or Sunday I should be closer to 100%. (Damnit Paul it was the drinking see-saw)

But until then, keep rocking and I promise to have a bitchin' post upon my return.

Trace,

Out.

Thinking aloud about the future

2006-05-01T16:51:00.000-07:00

I just got finished watching Back to the Future II and quite frankly, I have a few questions.

1.If the Doc goes into the future, and finds out that Marty's son is involved in a bank robbery then why does he have to take Marty there? Could he not have just come back and warned Marty that his son would have been involved, and he could have told him to take the necessary precautions? It would have saved the Doc a trip.

2. In the scene where they are in Marty and Jennifer's house in the future, and Marty talks about his "serious accident" that leaves him unable to play guitar anymore, wouldn't the Doc tell him about that since Marty wanted to make it huge as a rock star?

3. If Biff takes the almanac, and goes back in time and gives it to young Biff in 1955, then everything would have changed from that moment on, including 2015. So the setting in 2015 should have changed right? Yet Old Biff returns to 2015 and parks the Delorean, and everything is the same. That doesn't make any sense if Old Biff gave young Biff the almanac and Biff makes his fortune and ruins Hill Valley.

4.If Old Biff goes back in time and warns young Biff that Marty and the Doc would come looking for the almanac some time, wouldn't he just kill Marty and/or the Doc? Instead, the evil, corrupt 1985 Biff says "Funny, I never thought it would be you" then he tries to shoot him.

5.Why in God's name did Biff take the Almanac to the dance? Young Biff having the almanac was like being given an ATM card with an endless supply of money. Yet he wanted to look it over at the dance that night? Biff you idiot...

6.When they return from 2015 to the new 1985, there is a black family living in Marty's house which makes sense because time has been altered. Yet, the Doc's laboratory is still in the same place, wouldn't it be more realistic if the Doc didn't even have a place?

7. In Back to the Future I, the Doc constantly reminds Marty that no one should know too much about their own future. Fair enough, but then he takes Marty to the future right away.

In Portuguese it means "I have no talent"

2006-04-28T10:23:00.000-07:00

When he's not giving the Ninja Turtles guidance, he's jamming to his own single by himself in a studio...

(I'm actually embarrased to be a young,white male)

FIRE!

Please help me

2006-04-26T18:03:00.000-07:00

I saw Silent Hill last night. I was super geeked to see this movie when I saw the trailer for it.

I was a huge "mark" for this game when it came back out in 1999. It's kind of strange that they waited almost seven years to come out with a movie version of this but I am over it.

To be honest, it didn't really do the game justice, for all of the peeps who played the game way back when, but it was alright I guess. I had very high expectations because I really thought the game was unique and cool.

But if anyone sees this movie, and understands the ending please tell me....I am serious!
I followed this movie closely, I played the video game a lot back in the day, and I still couldn't figure out the ending! In fact I even went online and I searched on google what the ending meant and I couldn't find it. In fact, I came across some message boards and sites and they said the same thing "What the hell was that ending all about?"

Please let me know...

(PS-I usually like to update my blog at work because it helps pass the day, but I can't do it anymore. We got called into three seperate meetings today about our productivity being too low! It was hilarious and we get so busted for internet use! They blocked four e mail sites, and now they monitor what sites we go to. I think the highlight though for me was myself and Alexis a co-worker of mine were joking around on e-mail (our company one) and we joked about quitting. But it was all just a joke it was at the end of a very long day a few weeks ago. ANyways, the manager and the President go "Joel, do you mind explaining this?" I just laughed and said oh we were just joking, it was a long day and we were just kind of joking around. I actually laughed when I read it because I forgot what I wrote, but it did not look good even though it was all a joke. They said they have records of all my msn conversations to which I don't believe. Because if they did I would so unbelievably be fired on the spot no questions asked. Anyways, I have to do real work now at work which is going to be a bitch, but I will still keep the posts coming! Or I may get canned then I will just post like a mother fucker...but it will cost 3.99 per visit. Fuck that shiznet, I just want to move to Japan already and kiss my 9-5 goodbye ya heard)

Ok that's below the belt Charlie

2006-04-25T08:24:00.000-07:00

In the heat of the moment men and women can say very hurtful things that they regret. For example a man may call a woman a 'slut' or a 'whore'. A woman in turn may attack the size of his 'libido', or say she never loved him. Many ways to hurt your partner through words....

But I think Charlie Sheen takes the cake when he wished that his wife Denise Richards 'got breast cancer and died' and also 'get cancer in your face and die.'

What do you even say to that? And what the hell is face cancer? How does one get it? My guess is by sitting to close to the tv and watching to many episdoes of Charlie Sheen's show 'Two and a Half Men.'

Subsequently, when he made these comments to his wife he then took a large bow, and fired a rubben chicken at her knocking her to the ground.

A lesson in laughter

2006-04-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

For all of you aspiring actors out there like me, take note in the following clip.

This is how an actor/actress laughs at something that isn't funny at all.

However with the reaction of veteran actors such as Ving Rhames, Keri Russell, Lawrence Fishburn, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman you would think that Tom Cruise's impersonation of a blackberry user was funnier than Eddie Murphy's "RAW."

One of these IS like the other

2006-04-21T05:37:00.000-07:00

Ok that's it...

I am tired of going to the bar on the weekend, and seeing this chick named "Hollywood" whore herself out all the time. She's got to have more diseases than the monkey in 'Outbreak'

Bitch please...

I was watching tv last night and I saw an ad for a movie called POSEIDON. Clever trying to fool people into the fact that it's a remake of 'The Poseidon Adventure'. Because just by calling it Poseidon, it really gives it that unique, and indivual feel to it. (The marketing team should totally get a raise for this idea)

Hmmm, it looked strangely familiar though to some other craptastic movie made in 1997...But the name escapes me me right now...

Tight....Tits...Titus...Remember the Titans....

Shit it will come to me later, anyways I saw the ad and I was just happy to see Richard Dreyfuss is working again. He was the bomb in Jaws, and What About Bob. Other than that I was so enraged at seing the ad that I wanted to make myself black out, then awake several moments later and think it was all a dream...

Sadly it wasn't and there was no Heavy D and Salt N' Peppa up in the limosine either...

Fuck you Hollywood....I hate you....

Please call me though, because I love you just the same.

Brandon was never the same after Scott accidentally shot himself

2006-04-20T17:01:00.000-07:00

Remember that episode of 90210 where the goofy, loser guy Scott accidentally killed himself while playing with his dad's gun at his birthday party in the first season. It was probably my favourite episode of 90210. Anyways. I think Brandon took it really hard, because a few minutes before it happened, he was caught making out with Emily in a bedroom. If he was there, who knows what would have happened...

So to avenge his quasi-friend Scott, he decided to make an NRA gun safety video.

R.I.P. Scott...

There's no hope with dope, and there's no fun with guns.

It's the clothes that make the man you know as Trace Milyn

2006-04-20T12:33:00.000-07:00

Not so much entertainment based today. But this Krudmart website has been slowly robbing me of my riches..but I have been getting "bitches" after they see me rocking the tees I buy from their website.
I stumbled upon this website a few months ago, and since then I probably have bought 8 t-shirts off this site.
What makes me a loyal Krudmart shopper though is the write-ups each shirt they have. Below are a few "write-ups" of some random shirts. They are fucking hilarious.

When I was about 15 my friend used to intern at this local indie movie workshop place and I'd go with him on the first Wednesday of every month when people would show stuff they'd worked on. They usually were real shit but one time this Mexican dude showed this Texas Chainsaw Massacre rip-off movie he'd made in the 80's on Super-8. I was stoned that day. It was awesome.

The first time I ever saw anyone do this it blew my fucking mind. Then it got really annoying. Now I have a post-modern appreciation for it that rivals the one I have for Saved By The Bell.

Mt. Rushmore is right up there on my list of places I don't really give a shit if I ever go to or not.. Somewhere between Hershey, PA and a Coldplay concert.

One time, at bowling, I saw a guy with his girlfriend and her parents and the guy was wearing one of those I have the dick so I make the rules t-shirts. The girl was so busted though, you could tell her parents were just happy that maybe some day she might be out of the house.

Sixth grade was a confusing time for me. I had just learned that where girls pee from and where the babies come out was two different holes. I didn't know how to dance and I couldn't figure out for the life of me what "O.P.P." stood for but was too embarassed to ask my friends. Thank god Cypress Hill came along and got everyone talking about weed. I wasn't ready for pussy.

And last but not least my personal favourite...I bought this shirt today, after I took an extra fifteen minutes for lunch because my manager was out. When you have the chance to screw the system do it, because if I was gay I would want to be the pitcher not the catcher... you get what I am saying?

In the vast ocean of inappropriate memories from my childhood, one that always stands out is going to this beach resort with my dad, aunt and uncle. Among the fucked up shit I remember is my aunt yelling at me for looking at her tits when I don't think I even was. Meanwhile, I was three and she had a mouth like a picket goddamn fence.

Anyways, if you want some solid t's and accessories check out Krudmart, and I also linked their personal blog to mine. It's random, but they got a great entry and photo on them catching a stray cat with a net which is funny...

Anyways, they got a lot of solid gear. Check it all out here.

I'm out...my manager finally said he needs me to make more calls. They are onto me...I guess it's time to sleep with the boss's daughter and smooth things over. Wait he has a son...I guess his wife will have to do for now.

Follow the leader

2006-04-18T10:56:00.000-07:00

"Woah, woah, woah ... someone needs to put on the Ronco BBQ gloves and just pipe the hell down!Listen, I'll write about Donatello's quiet, yet masterful Turtle leadership skills when I damn well feel like it."-JE Skeets Monday January 16th, 2006

Well the time is here Skeets, it's been too long, and since I am constantly under attack, I figure why not keep this hits coming. A topic that Trace and Skeets don't agree on, well one of many at least is who was the 'leader' of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. While, I can't state Skeets point for him, I would hope he responds himself, I don't know how anyone else could say that it was not Leonardo.

Leonardo is the leader and here are the points to prove it. Nothing fancy just the facts...and my opinion:

Leonardo is the self-professed leader of the Turtles. You can even check out a personal interview with him at the official ninja turtle website

Wikipedia also has him listed as the leader of the Ninja Turtles as well

In Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the movie, Leonardo takes the leadership role on. Case and point, he buts head with Raphael about direction of the group. He also was the only guy to watch over Raphael while he got jumped by the footclan and was seriously hurt. He always displays the most "heart" and I think that he is the most motivated and disciplined turtle there is. It was Leo who drew the line in the sand when they decided to go and try and find Splinter after he was kidnapped. Plus he was

One might say Trace, well that's the movie, what about the cartoon? Well that's even easier:
An excerpt from the theme song:

Splinter taught them to be ninja teens (He's a radical rat!)
Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines (That's a fact, Jack!)
Raphael is cool but crude (Gimme a break!)
Michaelangelo is a party dude (Party!)

So based on that, I don't know how else you could say that Donatello, or anyone else was the leader. Was Donatello an important part of the Turtles? Sure he was, he was the gadget, techy guy. But alas, I have made my points, I open it up to anyone else who disagrees. I'm sure there will be many.

Tom's 'blackberry moment'-Post Game

2006-04-17T16:09:00.000-07:00

Diane Sawyer: What about her drives you crazy?

Tom: (nervous laughter to buy time) There is nothing about her that drives me crazy. (more nervous laughter) That drives me crazy in a good way is her smile.

Breakdown: Do you know why there is nothing about Katie that drives you crazy Tom? Because you're not in love with her, it's more of a forced brainwashing. See in real life, romance usually occurs mutually through two partners over the course of time. There are many ways for people to connect romantically, however in Tom Cruise's world he doesn't believe in tradition. As is standard with 'scientology courting rituals', Tom had his agent arrange a business meeting between the two parties. If that's not romance, then I don't know what is. By saying he likes her 'smile', just reaffirms he doesn't really love her. I mean come on! Smile? Hell everyone has a nice 'smile'. Like when a guy who a close friend as a female but she is ugly enough to scare the pockets off a pool table, and she asks "Trace, what's my best feature physically?" Always answer smile...it's just the safest answer you can possibly give and make her feel good. And girls don't act offended, it's the same thing when you answer "Oh, well you've got great eyes, plus you are really funny and girls love that!" Anyways, Tom Cruise has just given the worst, most lame, forced and awkward answer he could give when he just described what he liked about his fiancee the most.He's been with her for one year and her smile drives him crazy. I'd love to be in a room where a regular guy gave his girlfriend/fiancee that answer. Hijinx and hilarity would ensue let me tell you!
The train wreck has begun...

Tom:She has this thing with her tongue, when she smiles, when she's really laughing and her tongue sticks out. (Tom does his best impression of a person sticking their tongue out. I am glad he did because previous to that I had no idea what people looked like with their tongue stuck out). And I've seen people take pictures of it, and it's the cutest thing/ And it sticks out when we're riding the motorcycle. I tell her when we're riding the motorcycle please don't. If we hit a bump I get nervous about it. (more painfully awkward laughter)

Breakdown-WHAT! ARE YOU ACTUALLY SAYING THIS TO DIANE SAWYER! TOM MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WILL BE SEEING THIS AND YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR FIANCEE BITING HER FUCKING TONGUE! I can just picture Tom's PR team sitting off camera with their jaws dropped to the floor, already mentally scheming stories to spin to the media because he likes Katie's cute tongue.
Oh man this is just really awkward, it's almost like Tom is guilty of a crime here, and he is trying to make himself look like a nice, charming guy to the police and he just says anything that is popping into his head.
It's funny how he goes from 'lovey dovey', to reitterating his masculinity within a split second. After he says 'it's the cutest thing' a lightbulb goes off instantly and he is like "Oh shit, I still got to look normal and cool so I will incorporate her tongue and the fact I drive a motorcycle with her.! Yeah that will make me look edgy!" Sweet Jesus Tom, please stop this insanity, is there anything you can do stop this... it can't get worse can't it?

Off Camera: Aid hands Tom his blackberry and shows him a message from Katie saying there is no baby action yet, but wishes him luck in his interview. To make it official he puts it directly in front of Diane Sawyers face just so she knows! Tom shows her his orignal message, and then Katie's response. Diane reads this aloud as it was so obviously set up, and as per the agreement with Tom. Diane Sawyer has guns pointed directly at her off camera, and if she doesn't play along, well then too bad for her. Tom just looks so aloof and just smiles, and exclaims sheepishly "So nothing yet, we're good"

Breakdown: Tom Cruise showed me a few things here.

1.His range of emotion was great! He goes from all surprised when his aid hands him the blackberry, then quickly to happy when he finds out it's Katie
2.He knows how to effectively manipulate and use a blackberry
3.He's just like any other future scientologist daddy to be
4.He can read big words like 'interview' and 'baby action'
5.He to has a great smile

I honestly was horrified at this interview, but by the end I was actually laughing so hard I watched three times.

Check it out here.

Obituary of a hairy man

2006-04-15T11:14:00.000-07:00

Robin Williams Acting Career (1977-2006)

Mr. Robin Williams acting career of no fixed address, passed away quietly on April 14th, 2006 after the trailer for the movie RV was released. Williams acting career was born on 1977 in Los Angeles, with a show called 'Can I do it 'till I need glasses?'. He had several great roles on shows such as Mork and Mindy, The Richard Pryor Show, and Laff Off. Later on he found great success with movies such as Good Morning Vietnam, Good Will Hunting, Toys, and Patch Adams. Willams career leaves behind other great movies such as The Fisher King, Hook, and Cadillac Man. However, after movies such as One Hour Photo, and Insomnia, he was just never the same. Friends and family are invited to the Los Angeles County Funeral Home where a memorial service will be held from 4-6 pm. Memories of Robin's career will be shared at that time. In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made directly to Luke Perry's bank account, because he desperately needs the money.

Who do you love?

2006-04-13T18:05:00.000-07:00

Scott Baio
When you see this picture of Scott Baio, you really wonder why suspenders and peacock blue ties aren't sweeping the fashion world as we speak. We could sit here all day and rip Baio jokes no problem, but at the end of the day I have to bow down to Scott Baio. Now that might be a big statement, but this guy has banged some grade A ass. Sorry, I know thats 'perverse', but it's true. His resume consists of:
Pamela Anderson (pre hepatitis C)
Nicole Eggert
Heather Locklear
Brooke Shields
Now this was all of these women were in their prime to. And Baio can actually lay claim to the fact that he was the first guy to 'plant his flag' in Pam before she came a major slutwagon. It's kind of eerie that he dated Nicole Eggert considering he played her 'guardian' in Charles in Charge. I think you all know I feel about Heather Locklear, and Brooke Shields is a nice little addition to round out the field. Now these are the high profile women he was with, I guarantee you without knowing Baio personally, he has probably scored with more chicks than Kobe did against the Raptors did this year. And I can't understand why? Like I know he was a celebrity, he married Joanie, and he is an alright looking guy, BUT LOOK AT THAT RESUME! I mean this guy also don't forget released a self-titled musical CD....yikes. There is no logical explanation for the chicks he got with, but mad respect at the end of the day to Baio. I didn't think his resume could be equalled until...

Wilmer Vanderrama

Big Willy style is almost a spitting image of Baio circa 1984-1989 when it comes to ladies he's 'bumped uglies' with. While Wil certainly sealed his acting fate by permanently typecasting himself as 'FEZ' from that 70's Show. Wait, he has a show called 'YO Mama' coming out. That has 'cancelled within two months' written all over it. Yet as played out as his character is on That 70's Show, much like his Italian predecessor, he has some serious notches on his belt. He has 'been' with:

Lindsay Lohan (pre anorexic, drug binge)

Mandy Moore (oh my god not even fair)

Ashlee Simpson

Jennifer Love Hewitt

That's pretty solid considering he is only 24. But why Fez? Much like Baio, I am baffled that this guy gets to lay into those girls. Sure they are young, well Hewitt isn't, but that just makes it all the more confusing. But as much as it's fun as it to think that in 8-10 years I see Wilmer as that guy at the club in LA, who is like thirty pounds overweight, tight shirt, wasted, and yelling at random people in the club " I WAS FEZ MOTHER FUCKERS!! I ALWAYS SAID GOOD-DAY AND IT KILLED!"

But...

Willy has a serious set of balls, and he aient afraid to talk about 'em either. And that's why I respect him.

At the end of the day I give the edge to Baio as the bigger mack. Now Mandy Moore is a huge score, in fact the biggest one up there I feel. But when you match them up head to head Baio takes it. But I am baffled why these guys got so many hot women...I mean there are/were much better looking leading men in Hollywood that these female celebs could have gone after. To any female readers, can you help me solve this mystery?

Parker Lewis Can't lose...but Ryan Seacrest can

2006-04-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

I am sure Ryan Seacrest is a nice guy in real life. I know he is the butt end of many jokes, but you can't deny his success as of late. He is a good looking man, very polite, and has a quick whit to him that can be charming at times. Heck he's even dating Terri Hatcher, so he gets a lot of points there...Yet for some reason I don't like him, there is just something about him that is off.

Then I found out why. He used to try and foil Parker Lewis's schemes....

Fuck you Ryan Seacrest

Jake "guys,please pet my snake" Gyllenhal

2006-04-12T07:08:00.000-07:00

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...

The first words that come to my mind when I see this picture is

"Fame! I'm gonna live forever. I'm gonna learn how to fly, High! I feel it coming together, People will see me and cry Fame! I'm going to make it to heaven, Light up the sky like a flame, Fame! I'm gonna live forever, Baby remember my name"

Now that might be a snap judgement on my part, but I will tell you Jake the Snake is throwing out 'the look.' Puppy dog eyes in a deep soulful gaze, warm smile, and the dimples! LOOK AT THOSE DIMPLES! Right now Jake is melting the heart of his 'friend' , and he knows he has him in the palm of his hand. Heck, I'll be honest, he even won me over a bit with that expression.
And you can see his friend about to put both his hands up in a stop motion and say 'Woah Jake, don't give me the look! I'm serious..I swear not here in public! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DOES TO ME! Oh I can't wait to give you a reach around after we get home from the Copa later tonight"
But Jake just continues to smile like he can't hear anything...

But seriously Jake likes girls ...

United we don't stand

2006-04-11T10:30:00.000-07:00

In the coming weeks as I am sure many of now, a movie entitled United 93 is slated for theatrical release. There has been has some serious backlash against everyone involved in the film, of course this was certainly to be expected. I was actually watching the news last week, and this was the top story believe it or not.

The $64,000 question being "is it too soon?".

I am not going to try and answer that, nor do I think any of us should either. I think the people that can truly answer that question are the people who lost loved ones on that day. Sure, everyone was affected by it, it changed a lot of things, but I did not have any loved ones in the WTC, or the Pentagon, or Flight 93. And that is the problem I think with the unfair criticism it gets. The people you see being polled or interviewed about their feelings on this movie are so detached from what actually happened on that morning, they do not fully comprehend the magnitude of what happened that day. I can certainly understand people saying 'it's too soon'. But is there a hard and fast number of years Hollywood should wait befor going forward making movies about these tragic events. If it was made ten years from now people would still cry it's too soon.
Another argument is that people are angry with the fact that a movie company is making a profit off of the memories of loved ones who died heroically and tragically...I don't think so. See I have a hard time believing that studio execs went into a meeting and greenlighted an idea to make a movie that is still a sensitive issue with many. I am not going to sit here and say they don't want to make money, I mean that's why you are in business to make money. But I think that the key people involved in the film wanted to show an act of great tragedy and heroism. We can sit here and debate the conspiracy theories of how flight 93 went down, but for the sake of argument lets say they overtook the plane and tried to save the day. I did some looking, and I found out that a portion of the profits from this movie are going to the United 93 Memorial.

People are always going to be interested and fascinated by great tragedies, and when they are adapted into movies it's no different. Take a look at movies such as Titanic, Pearl Harbor, and Platoon. Now I know anyone can easily debate the factual merit, but the point being it focused on tragic events yet look at how popular they were with moviegoers. (In fact Platoon won for best picture in 1986)

So what are you driving at here Trace?

What I am trying to say is that I am not going to pretend to put myself in the shoes of the people who lost loved ones on that morning, and neither should anyone else. Sure it's a hot topic right now, and everyone has an opinion. But unless you really lost a loved one that day I don't think you should even open your mouth about it. This movie will certainly be controversial went it actually comes to theatres, and I am curious to see the reaction it gets. It will open a lot of old wounds for many, and that's not fair to them. But it was just a matter of time before this movie got made, and whether it was made in 2006, 2016, or 2046 it still doesn't change what happened that day.

TAKE THAT TOMKAT!

2006-04-10T18:01:00.000-07:00

Just when TOMKAT thought they had inside edge on worst way to bring a child into this world....

Brad and Angelina answered the call...

I can't wait to see what each couple has planned for an encore. I really can't.

Pulling 'digits'

2006-04-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

So how long do I wait to call?
A day.
Tomorrow.
Mm-mmm.Tomorrow, then a day.
Yeah.
So two days.
Yeah, I guess you could call it that... two days. Definitely.
Two days is like industry standard.
I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kinda money. What do you think?
Two's enough not to look anxious. But I think three days is kinda money.
Maybe I'll wait three weeks. How's that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number. Then ask her where you met her.
Yeah. I don't remember. What does she look like? Then I'll ask if we fucked. Would that... T, would that be the money?
You know what? Ha, ha, ha, Mike. Laugh all you want. But if you call too soon, you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party.
How long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Six days.

An excerpt from the movie Swingers talking about how long to wait and call a girl after you get her number.

Had a great time out last night in the fair city of Toronto. We went to a place called 'The Boat', and I met a fair dame. Anyways, we chatted for an hour and at the end of the night we exhanged numbers. She was a really cool girl, anyways as is the new fad when meeting people she gave me her msn as well. Now the phone thing I can understand waiting at least two days, but how long do I have to wait to add her to msn? Is it the same rules as the number of days to wait and call? Do I wait two days, add her to msn and call the same day? That does not sound right...what should I do?

Fantasy Team

2006-04-07T13:08:00.000-07:00

Fantasy sports team seem to be all the rage lately. So Trace has decided to select his five actors for an all-actor fantasy team. I really have no logic in this so here it goes.

Tom Cruise (1st Round)-Yes he is becoming more certifiably insane by the day, but Cruise always turns out one blockbuster a year. 2006 will be no different as Mission Impossible 3 comes out in a few weeks. Look for this movie to stay number one for several weeks in a row, unless fucking ICE AGE 3 or TOY STORY fucking I don't know what number they are on comes out at the same weekend. Cruise is a great pick in the first round,and can definitely win you a lot of points in your fantasy pool.

Jamie Foxx (2nd round)-Consistency is the key here. Foxx since 2001 has arguably been the hottest thing in Hollywood. He has starred in ALI, Ray, Collateral, Jarhead, had a number one cd out, and a NBC prime-time special. Sure he did Stealth, but it was a hidden masterpiece and misunderstood by critics because it was ahead of its time. Foxx has two movies slated to come out in 2006 with Miami Vice and Dreamgirls. Sure Miami Vice will be a cliche, bad-boys esque pic because Michael Mann directed it, but I think it will do what its supposed to. Look for it to go number one for a while to, like it or not. I think Foxx would be a steal in the second round if he was available.

Chris 'Ludacris' Bridges(3rd round)-WHAT! ARE YOU A FUCKING IDIOT TRACE? Well, when it comes to world capitals yes I am, but Luda had an awesome 2005 playing a major role in CRASH which won best picture. He also starred in the highly underated Hustle and Flow which also had Terrence Howard nominated for best actor. For some reason if Luda is in your movie it will somehow, someway be recognized for an academy award.

Ben Affleck(4th Round)-My, my how the once might have fallen. Anyways, I know that he is an after thought in most people's opinion, but I think Affleck still has a solid run in him. 2006 has Affleck starring in Clerks 2. Clersk which is one of my favourite movies was hugely successful with independant moviegoers. It was Kevin Smith's best work ever, and although I don't think it warrants a sequel it has happened none the less. This movie is going to draw like crazy for one weekend because the popularity of Clerks and Kevin Smith has risen beyond cult status and into mainstream popularity over time. He also has another interesting movie coming out called 'Smoking Aces'. It's about a guy who turns snitch against the mob, and the mob wants him dead. Sure it sounds pretty unoriginal, but it has Don Cheadle, Peter Berg, Ryan Reynolds, Alicia Keyes and Jeremy Piven in it so it sounds like a solid cast. This is my sleeper pick.

John Stamos (5th Round)Meh, I still love his hair and he slept with Rebecca Romijn within a calendar year. I heard he is a regular on ER now. If I get five points out of him I will be lucky and satisfied.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

2006-04-06T12:30:00.000-07:00

MUST BE SEEING THINGS....
TELL ME IT'S NOT REAL....
I HOPE THIS IS A JOKE....

GOD ALMIGHTY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Put your Ferrari where my rosebuds can see...

2006-04-06T11:38:00.000-07:00

I have nothing to say other than enjoy...

America's Past-Time

2006-04-05T15:47:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday marked the start of the 2006 baseball season. Also starting soon is the new move 'Benchwarmers.' So to celebrate the occassion, I thought I would take the three 'main stars', and after you see who the stars are, you know I will use that term loosely, and compare them to past baseball players.

Rob Schneider as Brady Anderson.
Logic
Rob Schneider has had ONE good movie in Deuce Bigalow, and was never able to rebound. It unexplainably came out of nowhere and was hard to explain, even though Schneider was on Saturday Night Live. (In his defense though, he was buried because he was on when Saturday Night Live was actually funny, so his performances may have been overshadowed.) Why compare him to Brady Anderson? Because in 1996 Brady Anderson came out of nowhere and hit 50 homeruns and over 100 RBI's. The next few seasons after 1996 though Anderson's productivity went down significantly. WHat did Schneider churn out after Deuce Bigalow? Muppets From Space, The Hot Chick, and The Animal. Enough said...

David Spade-Jose Canseco
Logic
David Spade used to have the entertainment world by the short and curlies when he teamed with the late, great, and overweight Chris Farley. Tommy Boy and Black Sheep are two all time great comedies, yet when Spade and Farley were split, Spade's stock fell horribly. We then take a look at the Bash Brothers in Oakland. Mark McGuire and Jose Canseco were two of the most feared hitters in the game at one time when they were together, and won a world title in 1989. Yet when they shipped off Canseco to Texas, he never was able to regain the form he had when he was in Oakland. After Farley died, what craptastic movies did Spade star in? Oh how about Lost and Found, A Very Brady Sequel, and oh god....Joe Dirt. They were never the same once they lost their partners in crime...

Jon Lovitz as Kelly Gruber
Logic
Both guys just consistently solid, but nothing they did ever really stands out. Gruber would have the odd big game , yet in the grand scheme of things he has been forgotten over time. Then we take a look at Lovitz, it seems like Jon Lovitz is in a lot of stuff, yet his comedic performance never stands out. You never leave a Jon Lovitz movie going 'man, he stole the show!'. Much like Gruber's big game in April of '89, Lovitz was able to star in High School High which was a solid flick. But if you check out his profile on IMDB, none of the other stuff he does really stands out, but he gives a hell of an effort nonetheless. You knew what you were going to get every time out with these guys.

Seeing Stars

2006-04-04T11:30:00.000-07:00

You know how people make the comment 'don't quit your day job' when you try something halfheartedly and fail?
Well after seeing this clip you will know what I mean...
But I just wish Star Jones would quit 'life.' Every time I see her she is just smaller and looks so different. I saw this once before though...I believe it was called THINNER.

I don't know how old this is, but it is damn sure hilarious.

(Credit Roy Mathunni and his sandwich. This way Roy you can't say I ripped off your material, this time I gave you credit ;) )

Enjoy

My immediate goals for the next six months are

2006-04-04T08:42:00.000-07:00

Trace-"Hey Tom, if I gave you three events in your life, and you had to prioritize them, how would you do it?"

Tom-"That depends"

Trace-"Ok, in order of importance to you, having your baby, getting married, and promoting your new movie, what would you say is most important.

Tom-"That's easy Trace, New Baby, New Movie, then attempt at my third marriage in that order."

Trace-"So your new movie is more important than getting married?"

Tom-"I didn't stutter...."

Random Wrestlemania Thoughts

2006-04-03T09:07:00.000-07:00

Shelled out some hard earned...well earned dough last night for Wrestlemania 22 from Chicago. Just some random thoughts.

*Seeing a 57 year old Ric Flair fall off a ladder is WAY more entertaining than I thought. $$$ In the Bank match was solid, but could have been a bit better.

*Mickie James a psycho lesbian is well, I would have to say pretty much amazing. Not only that but the Chicago crowd started booing Trish Stratus who was the supposed 'good guy.' It was hilarious listening to commentary and Jim Ross going on about how fans can identify with Mickie James because she was getting cheered. Nice try Jim, but most people can't identify with crazy rug munchers. High light of the match was when Mickie James grabbed Trish 'down there', and Trish just looked at her shocked then Mickie James licked her fingers...PRICELESS!!!

*JBL is my hero. He is out of shape, has had some horrible gimmicks as a cowboy and beer drinker, yet he refers himself to as a wrestling god. Oh and he drives to the ring in a limo with a set of bull horns on the front to. Amazingly he beat one of the best wrestlers ever...by cheating of course.

*The hardcore match was the sickest thing ever. I don't even care if you don't watch wrestling, well there wasn't much wrestling anyways, but you have to see this. It's just two guys assaulting each other with weapons. What weapons you ask?
-cookie sheets
-road signs
-chairs
-baseball bat wrapped in barb wire
-a sock wrapped in barb wire
-regular bats
-thousands of thumbtacks
Oh yeah and one of the guys lit a table on fire then put his opponent through it to. I think the best visual ever was when Edge won and he is in complete shock while his manager picks thumbtacks out of his back. The table on fire was the craziest shit ever. You have to check out the pics. Another side note to, the pants that Edge wore in this match he bought from Ken's cousin Jay who works for a clothing store in Toronto called Due West. Easily the best match of the night, and maybe one of the best wrestlemania matches of all time.

*What the hell was with John Cena dressing up as a gangster and firing off a tommygun? And more importantly, why was HHH dressed up like he was an extra from Gladiator?

*Last thought, going into wrestlemania, there is usually always a classic good guy vs bad guy match. In Chicago it seems like all bets are off because they do it ass backwards. They cheered for the bad guy in like 80% of the matches and booed the good guy. It was really weird how it came off on tv, and there is no logical explanation for it, but it made for some great moments.

Overall 8/10

I live my life one quarter emotion at a time

2006-04-01T05:45:00.000-08:00

For all of you that said Vin Diesel did not have emotional range as an actor, I present to you exhibit A.
It is just a matter of time before we see him making an acceptance speech at the Academy Awards for best actor.

Give a hoot...read a book

2006-03-31T17:11:00.000-08:00

This evening I recently came across an article which talked about celebrties and what books they were into. While not all celebrities listed what they were reading currently, you know Trace has the hook-ups, and knows what celebs are reading what.

Jessica Simpson-The Berenstain Bears-The Big Honey Hunt by Stan and Jan Berenstain.

Angelina Jolie-Breaking into acting for dummies by Larry Garrison and Wallace Wang

Danny Pintauro-When homosexuality hits home:What to do when a loved one says they are gay by Joe Dallas

Pamela Anderson-Seven Year Itch by Robert A Arthur

Tom Cruise-Constructive thinking:The key to emotional intelligence by Seymour Epstein

Vin Diesel-Fear Street:Lights Out by RL Stine

OJ Simpson/Robert Blake-Getting away with Murder by Raoul Felder and Barbara Victor

Scott Baio-Finding Jobs:Work and Welfare Reformby David Card and Rebecca Blank

Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon

2006-03-29T05:49:00.000-08:00

Oh Jon "hold the h please" Favreau. There you are. Looking debonnaire with that sly smile. You look like you are up to something, but I don't know what. However at the same time, it could aslo appear that you look a bit annoyed to. Like maybe someone forced you to get steamed veggies as a side to your chicken dinner instead of french fries?

Jon are you waving at me, or are you waving goodbye to excercise and meals that under 4000 calories or less? Ummmm I am going to with the latter...
Ok Jon, did someone PHOTOSHOP your face in this picture because I swear something about you looks different? (long silent pause...)

Oh man this is awkward...

For the love of god no..

2006-03-28T07:14:00.000-08:00

Just stop....
Don't do it...
You will regret this later...
You're ruining a great thing...
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO!!!

SHIT!!!
Too late...

Is this a fair comparison?

2006-03-27T11:38:00.000-08:00

I think the best way to summarize Leanna Creel aka Tori Scott's run on Saved By The Bell would be this way:

It's like Saved By The Bell got really drunk one night and went to a seedy bar, and had unprotected sex with a girl named "whory-y Tori". Now luckily Saved By The Bell had it checked out right away and it turned out to be just a mild case of the KLAP. Ten episodes later and she was gone for good. Saved By The Bell learned a very good lesson, and got off pretty lucky all things considered.

Is this a fair comparison?

I wonder what MC Hammer is doing right now?

2006-03-24T11:06:00.000-08:00

Man, I have had a lot of trouble sleeping these past few weeks. I mean I just really wanted to know what MC Hammer (or as his underground hardcore fans know him as just "Hammer") has been up to this past while.I didn't think I was going to make it...

Then I found the greatest blog ever...

I can keep up to date with all of his news. And for the first time in a long time, I can get a good night's sleep.

Thanks MC. Your blog makes me say 'Oh my lord!'

Dilemma

2006-03-22T16:23:00.000-08:00

Basic Instinct 2 is coming to theatres soon. I have no burning desire to see this movie for the plot, script, acting, or anything else related to making a decent movie.

Yet I am still debating on whether to pay 13 bones to see Sharon Stone naked again. I have no shame in saying this because for some reason unbeknownst to me, I still have this strange attraction to her. It was like when I was in high school and STRIPTEASE came out and you had to wait all this time, plus see Burt Reynolds attempt to act, just see Demi Moore naked for a few seconds. Hell I will still stumble home from the bar and I still see it on at like 3 :30 AM, and I will force myself to stay awake in a drunken state just to see her naked again at age 24. (thank you you-tube i can enjoy many times over now) But the laughs I get from watching those dating infomericals more than makes up for it!

I hope to be strong and wait until it comes out on DVD, and judging by the trailer I won't have to wait long. But I don't know...a naked Sharon Stone...oh temptation why have you scorned me again!

Who else misses Steve Sanders?

2006-03-21T15:06:00.000-08:00

With this picture how can you not?

My favorite Steve Sanders moment, when he cheated on a test and got out of freshman and sophomore math in college. And he has a great smile and his eyes are unassuming...

Come back Steve...

Who ruled the 90's?

2006-03-19T07:58:00.000-08:00

Took in a nice night in Toronto last night. Had to check out Saturday Night's Main Event with my boy K1. Anyways, after some beverages, we chatted about what were the best club jams from the 90's. There were some heavy hitters back in the day, so I am going to throw out a top ten and see what happens.

1.Only You-112 ft Mase and Notorious BIG
2.Fantasy(Remix)-Mariah Carey ft. ODB
3.Ghetto Superstar-Pras, Mya,ODB
4.Hypnotize-Notorious BIG
5.California Love-Dr. Dre, Tupac Shakur
6.No Diggity-Blackstreet
7.Mo' Money Mo' Problems-Notorious BIG, Ma$e, Puff Daddy
8.This is how we do it-Montell Jordan
9. Too Close-Next
10.Real Love (remix)-Mary J. Blige ft Notorious BIG

Fuckin' Blades Fuckin' Blades

2006-03-18T05:29:00.000-08:00

Buds.

Even if you think this picture looks 'questionable', just check out this clip of Saved By The Bell. These guys are all man.

I loved this episode!

Throw in the towel...(for all of us please...)

2006-03-16T12:03:00.000-08:00

Some people don't know when to quit. Like you saw what happened in Rocky 4 when Creed waved off the white towel. (I can't even talk about it to this day...) But right now I am going to take a look at a few people, and entertainment related things that need to throw the towel in. They are finished....give up

Tim Allen-Ok the guy made a movie where he turns into a dog? That's it Tim, you had a great run on Home Improvement, your legacy will live on Channel 47 forever (TBS) but please pack it in.

That 70's show-Man this one hurts, it really does. I loved the first five seasons of this show, then it hit a snag in my opinion. Right now, Eric and Kelso, who were staples on the show are gone. THey brought in some new guy who is supposed to be a rip off of Eric, and they don't even hang out at the HUB anymore. Yup...this show has to be on its last lap.

Angelina Jolie-Not that she ever had any talent in the first place, but it's time. The only way she makes news now is when she shows up to some country no one has even heard of, dons their clothing, then adopts 17 children from that country. Then Brad who is battling massive PR battles takes a liking to them, and says I want some of my own Angie, can you get me some more? Listen, I think she is doing a great job bringing awareness to certain causes and helping, but I think she should stick to that permanently instead of trying to act. I would feel much better about donating 14.50 to a charity she was involved in, rather than forking over the same amount to see Tomb Raider 3.

Kevin Federline-I know Pao Pao Zao's record sales are not at where they should be, but why go through all the embarrasment of failing Kev? I mean I hear the local strip bar The North Pole is hiring?

The sports media hating on Barry Bonds-Hey guys yeah he took steroids, yeah he got huge, yeah he has the HR record. Great, but when he was taking it guess what he wasn't breaking rules. END OF ARGUMENT!! If I go to a country and murder someone, and there is no law against it, I am not breaking any laws am I? Barry just took advantage of a system that was in place, and believe me, I bet a lot more players other than Bonds were juiced. He is the media scapegoat because he is a jackass and he has the HR record, but don't blame Barry, blame MLB, and all of the other writers and journalists who don't have a clue at all. He is still one of the best players of all time with or without steroids period. I got your back Barry...

Happy Holidays

2006-03-15T07:07:00.000-08:00

BEST HOLIDAY EVER...(sure I am day late, but who cares)

You know the drill. Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do care for them more than any other.

Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret; guys feel left out. That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. Thats it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th!

The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world. And, of course, steak and BJ's. (credit www.steakandbjday)

Maybe this movie was a bad idea?

2006-03-13T16:09:00.000-08:00

Male:I am at the video store now, what movie do you want me to get?
Female:I don't care just pick out anything, you have pretty good taste in movies. Don't forget to pick up the hummus and KY Jelly for later though ok?
Male:Deal.

Here are some absolutely horrible choices that can kill any date ranging from we have been together for over five years to we started dating three months ago.

American History X-Now I love this movie, I really do. However, a few things in this movie might not exactly set the mood. What are those you ask? Well for starters, seeing a ripped Ed Norton with a huge swastika tattooed to his chest give a helpless man a curby will pretty much do that. That in itself is the most gruesome thing I have ever seen, and I even had to watch a 'Miracle of Birth' video in grade eight for sex ed. If you can make it through that though, a nice prison gang rape scene will surely get you a look or two from your significant other. Oh, and the part where Ed Norton grabs his sister by her hair and curses her out in front of the family and shoves roast beef down her mouth is always a feel good moment for everyone involved. At least it has heartwarming ending....oh wait...nevermind.

Dawn of the Dead (2004 remake)-I actually saw this on a first date with a girl, sure we didn't last, but the movie was amazing. In retrospect though, after the third scene where the little girl rips open the neck of Sarah Polley's husband and watching him bleed everywhere, I knew I should have went with something else. I thought ok, maybe that was just to grab the attention of the viewer, but little did I know that was nothing compared to what was about to occur. Now they say that horror movies can act as an aphrodisiac sometimes, but then sometimes you watch a pregnant women turn into a zombie, give birth to a zombie baby, and then have someone kill the mom, and then the baby right after. Girls would this turn you on? Not to mention the scores of gruesome head shots where zombies get blown away and we are treated to multiple splatters of head parts everywhere. Sure I didn't score that night, but I hit it like three and a half weeks later...thank you Dawn of the Dead ;).

The Passion of the Christ- Looking for a feel good movie?...This is not it.

Requiem For A Dream- Yeah this was a shocker. I mean if you look past the constant drug abuse, an innocent old woman becoming addicted to speed, Jared Leto getting his arm cut off due to constant shooting up, Jennifer Connelly doing an "ass to ass" scene with another girl, and seeing shock therapy, it's actually a pretty romantic movie.

Julius Pleaser-Et tu Bootay?- No this is not an actual movie, but I saw it on another website a few months ago and I laughed my left ring toe off it was so funny. But bringing home porno might not be a great idea...or also the best idea ever, depends if your gf is really cool. I suggest anything with Peter North, I have seen his "head shots" and he is very handsome man and a very talented actor.

Any movie the girl picks-hiyoooooooooooooooooo. Just kidding...(not really)

People might say Street Fighter stereotypes countries. Trace went on a trip and found out they are wrong...

2006-03-09T05:19:00.000-08:00

After a long flight from LA, we first landed in Japan. I thought Japan was very modern country, and had unique architecture, but all it had was a temple and some cannons. People say this where samurai warriors trained, and this is also where I met Tom Cruise. He kept saying he was an actual samurai, it was kind of awkward...

Japan was surreal. I was completely shocked to find that they had sumo wrestlers there! I am glad that they had a rising sun, mountains, and an ancient Japanese warrior on the background wall because had they not of, I might have mistaken this country for I don't know...Canada?

Spain was really pretty. Nice beaches, pretty women, beautfiful weather. I was mystified though with these so called "Mariachi" bands. Apparently they are very popular in Spain. I had only seen them in Mexico before, and in my hometown of Los Angeles. (or what we refer to as Mexico:Part Two ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing)

India was an adventure and a half! I was shocked to find out that there were elephants there. At least Dhalsim was a character, an Indian man who had mystic powers with a crazy looking skull necklace, could blow fire, stretch his arms and legs really far, and and he can re-appear and disappear to. Man imagine having him as a wingman! LAAAAAAAAAADIES!!

Mother Russia was a BLAST! Man those Ruskis know how to have a good time! Even at work, it's a great time to break out the bottle! (notice far left background) Hmm, this fight takes place at a nuclear power plant with people drinking on the job...I can't explain how Chernobyl happened. I really can't.

Next was the good ol' US of A. This was kind of a bore, and bit scary to. Sure it was great to see an all American battle between Guile and Ken, but the dirty and disheveled immigrants on the boat in the harbor trying to get into America, seemed to overshadow what could have been a good time.

China was very lively! The streets were filled with action! Most notably Ryu throwing hadookens at Chun-Li. I didn't know they rode bikes in China or strangled chickens either. One of my favorite stops easily. Chun Li even did my hair in buns like her before I left, then she exclaimed "GET BACK!"

The stop in Brazil was a bit of a letdown. I was expecting to beautiful women, nice scenery, and lively people...instead all I got was poor people who were fishing. Kind of a bummer...

Almost Perfect...

2006-03-06T05:24:00.000-08:00

DAMN YOU PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN AND CRASH!
I had a perfect game going, then PSH and CRASH ruined my prefect game. Am I Mr. Perfect? Far from it, I am more like the 60% man.(who ultimately never did have the success that Mr.Perfect had.)

But I am glad to see that Crash, and Hoffman won. What I am the most happy about though is Brokeback Mountain was shout out virtually in all major categories. Sure the Hollywood hype machine tried their harest, but at the end of the day, the best films, and actors won I feel. That's a complete lie...I am just still ecstatic that Brokeback didn't win. I only got to see about an hour of the awards because I had other work to do, but I liked John Stewart as a host. The opening sequence where all the previous hosts was pretty entertaining. Although when Dave Letterman said he had to spend time wth Steve Martin's kids was lame. I wish he had of said, "I can't host the award show because I was the worst host of all time."

Congrats to the winners, and for all you haters, 60% is still a pass anywhere in this world...I think. Actually I don't even know, but this is America damnit and 60% is a pass.

One love from the mothership

T-Unit

The envelope please...

2006-03-04T10:13:00.000-08:00

For the 100th post of this dynamic blog, what way to better mark the occasion than to throw out some Academy Award predictions. My picks will be based on if I have seen them, sentimental favorites, and a little cheating by background research if I have not seen the movie. I am just going to cover the major categories.

Best Actor:
Philip Seymour Hoffman-Capote
Terence Howard-Hustle and Flow
Heath Ledger-Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix-Walk the Line
David Strathaim-Good night and good luck

It pains me inside that I did not get around to seeing Capote. I am a huge mark for Hoffman, and he has had some great supporting roles in Almost Famous, and 25th Hour and has done well in lead roles well such as Love Liza and Owning Mahoney. I head he killed in Capote, and I will be seeing it ASP when it gets released on BETA. I saw Hustle and Flow last week, and Terence Howard was straight up amazing in it. I think out of all the actors, he easily had the best year with Hustle and Flow and CRASH. I don't think Howard will win it because he is a relative newcomer to the mainstream, and Hustle and Flow was an MTV movie which I think actually hinders it because of the movies MTV films has produced. (See Joe's Apartment) He gives an amazing performance, but I just don't think he has it in him to pull it out in the end, and if he wins it will be massive upset. I watched Walk The Line last night and was blown away! Phoenix was bang on in bringing 'the man in black' to the big screen. He not only learned how to play guitar after not knowing at all how to play prior to this role, but he learned how to play just like Johnny Cash himself. Plus he did all of his own singing as well which is no easy feat. Phoenix was handpicked by Cash himself before he passed away in 2003, and I think if he were still alive to see the movie today, he would have been proud. Heath ledger in Brokeback Mountain, nope...Didn't see it, nor do I have a desire to either. The Hollywood hype machine got a hold of this thing and ran as fast and hard as they could. I can't criticize it because I have not seen it, but I have certainly heard more than I want to about it. I don't think Ledger will win because he is too young, and quite frankly this is his first solid film he has done. He was in Monster's Ball which was critically acclaimed, but he had more of a supporting role. He has done nothing memorable at all, this role will certainly put him on the map for the future, but he is just undeserving of this award. That leads David Strathaim as the odd man out here...

Pick-In a close call, Joaquin Phoenix just barely over Philip Seymour Hoffman

Supporting Actor
George Clooney-Syriana
Matt Dillon-CRASH
Paul Giamatti-Cinderella Man
Jake Gyllenhal-Brokeback Mountain
William Hurt-A History of Violence

Let's start with the easy shall we? I know it won't be William Hurt because A History of Violence was the biggest piece of shit I have ever seen! Like I have seen whale shits that have not even been that big! Matt Dillon, hmmmmmm maybe? I saw CRASH in theatres, and I own it a very personal favorite of mine. CRASH is so hard because it's such an ensemble cast, and there is no "lead" actor, and everyone turns in an amazing performance in the movie. But Dillon's stands out because although each character changes dramatically over the course of the film, Dillon's is the most enthralling because you get to see many different sides to him as opposed to some of the other characters in the film. Clooney in Syriana? Sure why not? I saw Syriana and I thought it was a good solid film. Similar to CRASH, it has has an ensemble cast and many different stories going on throughout the film so it's hard for one performance to stand out, but Clooney's did. I know Clooney said that this movie almost killed him, and putting on forty pounds will do that to a man. I respect that effort. Jake Gyllenhal, Brokeback Mountain...man this is getting old fast for me already. Same reason that Ledger hasn't won, his catcher, err I mean co-star won't win either. Although Gyllenhal had a nice little run with Jarhead, followed by Brokeback so you know he doesn't have to worry about picking up the cheque at future dinners! Odd man out Paul Giammatti...

Winner-George Clooney (but I am pulling for Matt Dillon as a sentimental choice)

Best Actress
Judi Dench-Mrs. Henderson Presents
Felicity Huffman-Transamerica
Keira Knightley-Pride and Prejudice
Charlize Theron-North Country
Reese Witherspoon-Walk The Line

Let's knock the easy one out of the way first...Charlize Theron won't win. Not to say she isn't deserving, but she just won this same category in 2003 with Monster. If she wins Best Actress again already, I think it's safe to say she is going to be the Ric Flair of this category. (If you don't know what this means check this link) I will be honest with this one because I have only seen one actress nominated in this category and that was Reese Witherspoon. That being said I am going to make her my pic. I know that holds little to no merit for an argument, but like her co-star, she also performed and sang all of the songs in the movie by herself and she gave an awesome performance. Witherspoon who is originally from Baton Rouge, played the Southern Belle June Carter Cash to a T, and probably her background of being from the dirty south helped. So this is a bit of a wing and a prayer....

Winner-Reese Witherspoon (but I really like the name Felicity. If were were giving out awards for best first names Felicity would win)

Best Supporting Actress

Amy Adams-Junebug
Catherine Keener-Capote
Francis McDormand-North Country
Rachel Weisz-The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams-Brokeback Mountain

Have not seen one of these films...could be tough. I just like the word JUNEBUG which makes me want to vote for it. But I don't know. Frances McDormand, I saw her in FARGO and she was great, that movie also took place in North Dakota but was shot in Minnesota, also where North Country takes place. Do you see the connection now? Truth be told there is no connection, I am looking for a time filler here. I think Rachel Weisz is really pretty! Catherine Keener, no one likes a keener, we all grew up with one or more in school, and see them at work. I just don't like keeners, and I don't think the Academy will either! Michelle Williams in Brokeback Mountain...by now I think you know my feelings about Brokeback Mountain.

Winner-Rachel Weisz in a pure and uneducated guess.

BEST PICTURE

Brokeback Mountain (fuck not again....)
Capote
CRASH
Good Night and Good Luck
Munich

The main event! I am going to knock out Good Night and Good Luck right now because with multiple choice you can always make it easier on yourself by eliminating the obvious one that doesn't belong. I did hear a lot of great things about Munich, and it does look like a solid pic, but the fact regarding how it slanders certain groups. Whether it is true or not, I just can't see this thing having the horses to pull this thing out. Brokeback Mountain? Nope! Sure it's a threat, sure it's a major player, sure everyone else in the world except me and Lance want this movie to win. I am just hoping this movie won't win...therefore I am saying it won't! Sure it has been hyped to the moon and back, but at the end of the day, I think that is all it is. I think this is a two horse race between Capote and Crash.

Winner-Capote in a close call over CRASH. Hoffman gets some vindication for losing best lead actor to Joaquin Phoenix.

Celebrity e-mail adresses

2006-03-03T10:19:00.000-08:00

Being as I am mad connected in Hollywood, I got access to some of the star's e-mail addresses that are confidential. Here they are peep them and say ho!

pitcher_876@gmail.com (Heath Ledger)
catcher_876@gmail.com (Jake Gyllenhal)
ihategod0909@lycos.com (Tom Cruise)
imrichbitch876@msn.com (Oprah Winfrey)
canyouspareafoodstamp87@hotmail.com (Pauly Shore)
areyougoingtofinishthatbeer69@aol.com (Tara Reid)
areyougoingtofinishthatturkeydinner87@hotmail.com (Reuben Studdard)
razorsdontphaseme7654@hotmail.com (David Hasselhoff)
keeanureeves@lycos.com (Ted Danson)
whydidteddansonstealmynameforemail87@aol.com (Keeanu Reeves)
itsoktopunchmeinthestomachwhenyouseeme92@hotmail.com (Jimmy Fallon)
iwillwaittillshefallsasleep32@lycos.com (Bill Cosby)
whereistheanykey?98@aol.com (Paris Hilton)
icanfinallywatchsportsinpeace@hotmail.com (Nick Lachey)
icantfindtheanykeyeither87@lycos.com (Jessica Simpson)

The second place club tries to play CLUE

2006-03-01T16:16:00.000-08:00

I want to introduce you to Trace Milyn's newly nominated "Second Place Club". They will be going on some road trips, participating in some neat group activities, and one day hopefully they will learn what it takes to be a winner. The members are as follows:

Colby-Ok Bills, it's your roll.
Jim Kelly from BB-Ok Bruce Smith you rolled last time, let Scott Norwood roll. Now Scott, just don't roll the dice wide right like you did last time, we had a heck of a time trying to fish the one die from beneath the sofa. (Scott turns red and laughs nervously) Ok, huddle guys (psst psst psst) Alright we are going to go twins right razor Miss Scarlet in the billiard room with the revolver on three ready break. (Judd shows them he has the revolver) Shit, why did we let let Steve Tasker pick this one..I swear if we lose more one time I am going to kill my autistic kid...
Macho Man-God already beat him to that DIG IT!!! You're turn curly fries. (macho man points to Guarini)
Justin-Neat. Did you guys know I am distantly related to Samuel L Jackson. (everyone rolls their eyes) Ok guys sorry. (rolls the dice) Ok my guess is Colonel Mustard, in the hall, with the rope.
Martin S-You don't have to sing your response every time Justin...I am sorry I have to say it, that's just really annoying, and take away from the fun we are having here. I am sorry it had to be said.
Justin-(with a look of disbelief on his face) WELL WHY DIDN'T ANYONE SAY ANYTHING IS THIS TRUE? CHRIS? RANDY? 1991-1994 BILLS? COLBY? (At this point Colby nervously looks away) Fine I will just speak my answers from now on geesh..sorry for trying to liven thing up. (Colby shows him he has the rope)
Macho Man-WANNA LIVEN THINGS UP JUSTIN? TRY SNAPPING INTO A SLIM JIM OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH YEAH!
Chris Judd-Ok it's my turn. And before I roll, I just want you to know Justin, you're singing doesn't bother me that much. (Chris rolls) Ok I am going to guess Mrs. White in the conservatory, with the lead pipe...(chris' eyes well up with tears) You know, if you look at this picture of Miss White on the box in the right light, you can see that Mrs. White has almost identical eyes to that of my ex Jennifer...I am sorry guys it's still hard...
Martin S-You are such a pussy. You guys were married for what, 57 minutes? Like did you even have enough time to consumate the marriage? Then she was dating Affleck like the next morning. That's like going to the doctor, having him tell you have cancer. Then as you are going to your car the doctor runs out in the parking lot and goes, 'Oh by the way, you also have crabs to.'
Justin-BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN
Chris-Justin! I just said I didn't mind your singing! What the heck! Why would you say that?
Justin-And I appreciate it. But a good burn is a good burn man. That was a five alarm burn. (Bruce Smith from the bills shows him he has the conservatory)
MACHO MAN-Ok punks it's my turn! DIG IT!(Randy climbs on top of the automan, and raises both hands in the air)
Colby-He does this every time...God I would rather hear Justin do "Houndog" by Elvis Presley than watch Randy do this again.
Chris-HIYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Macho Man-(jumps off the automan and throws the dice at the last second) OK SUCKERS! I got the slim and slick, buck toothed, four eyes, weasil looking Professor Plum, in the kitchen with the wrench CAN YOU DIG IT? (Martin shows him he has the kitchen. Macho Man proceeds to pick up a steel chair and threaten to hit Scorsese with it. But cooler heads prevail, but Macho Man snaps his pencil to mark his answers with)
Colby-Ok Martin, it's your turn to roll.
Martin S-Ok. (Martin rolls the dice) Ok I am going to try and solve the game. I am going to guess Miss Scarlet, with the Knife, in the study? (Colby shows Martin that he has the Study)
Martin-DAMMIT! I WAS ROBBED AGAIN! THIS IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT! I thought I had a sure thing with the Aviator...but this is just too much. LORD WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO WIN?
Justin-I was robbed to! America robbed me as the first American Idol!
Andre Reed from Buffalo Bills-No, America did not rob you dude! I watched the final performance, and you just straight up got mollywhopped by Kelly.
Macho Man-Do you know how I know you're gay? You just admitted to watching American Idol in front of a group full of men.
Andre Reed-Yeah, I guess that does kind of make me gay.
Colby-Ok my roll. (Colby rolls) Ok I am going to try and solve the puzzle! I am going to guess Mrs. Peacock, with the Lead Pipe, in the Ballroom? (at this point Colby wins the game)
Chris-Hey congrats Colby! And for winning this game we all chipped in and bought you another Pontiac Aztek...what does that make like 18 for you now, after the 17 you won on Survivor?
Colby-Har Har Chris! Anyways guys I had fun, let's go get some frozen yougurt! It's on me!

"You apparently didn't put one of the new coversheets on your TPS Reports"

2006-02-28T06:38:00.000-08:00

Gave my two weeks notice yesterday. So in keeping with tradition, I thought I would just post a few great lines from the movie Office Space. My job here, very similar, and some crazy characters to.

BILL MMMM..YEAH. YOU SEE, WE'RE PUTTING THE COVERSHEETS ON ALL TPS REPORTS NOW BEFORE THEY GO OUT. DID YOU SEE THE MEMO ABOUT THIS?
PETER Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've got the memo right here, but, uh, uh, I just forgot. But, uh, it's not shipping out until tomorrow, so there's no problem.
BILL Yeah. If you could just go ahead and make sure you do that from now on, that will be great. And Uh, I'll go ahead and make sure you get another copy of that memo Mmmm, Ok?

SAMIR Oh no! Not again! Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam?!! I, I swear to God, one of these days, I, I, I just kick this piece of shit out the window!!!
MICHAEL you and me both, man. The thing is lucky I'm not armed.

TOM You know there are people in this world who don't have to put up with all this shit? Like that guy that invented the pet rock. You see, that's what you have to do. You have to use your mind and come up with some really great idea like that and you never have to work again!

BILL Good. Well, uh, I'd like to, uh, welcome a new member to our team. Uh, Bob Slydell. Yeah. Uh, he is, uh, a consultant. Yeah. He is a consultant. (Tom shakes his head) He'll be helping us out a little here, asking some questions, making sure things go a little more smoothly. Yeah. Oh and remember, next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day! So, y'know, if you want to, go ahead and uh, wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.

MILTON I, I don't care if they, if they lay me off either, because I, I told Bill that if he moves my desk one more time, then, then I'm quitting. I'm going to quit. And I told Dom too because they've moved my desk four times. I used to be by the window, where I could see the squirrels and they were merry. But then they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline. (he's holding his red Swingline) (Camera pans to Peter) They have my staples for the Boston and I kept the staples from the Swingline stapler.

BOB SLYDELL Let's see. You're Michael...Bolton?
He nods.
BOB PORTER Is that your real name?
MICHAEL Yeah.
BOB PORTER Are you in any relation to the pop singer?
MICHAEL It's just a coincidence.
BOB SLYDELL LAUGHS) TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I LOVE HIS MUSIC. I DO . I AM A MICHAEL BOLTON FAN. FOR MY MONEY, I DON'T THINK IT GETS ANY BETTER THAN WHEN HE SINGS WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN.
BOB PORTER I mean you must really love his music.MICHAELYeah. Yeah…he, he, he's pretty, he's pretty good, I guess.
BOB SLYDELL You're GOD DAMN right he is.They laugh.
BOB PORTER So tell me. What's your favorite song of his?
MICHAEL Hmm. I, I, I don't know. I mean, I guess, I sorta like 'em all.The Bobs laugh.
BOB SLYDELL HA HA! I feel the exact same way, but it must be hard for you, I mean, having the same name as him. I celebrate the guy's entire catalogue. But anyway, let's get down to business, Michael!

Pop-quiz

2006-02-27T05:47:00.000-08:00

When the burger king mascot is lying next to you in bed when you wake up in the morning after going to bed alone you:

A.Grab the nickel plated deuce deuce under your pillow and paint the walls with the king's brains

B.Ask him if he knows who was eliminated from 'Survivor' the night before because you fell asleep before it was over

C.Start an argument with him about how he never cuddles anymore

D.Request an omelette sandwich fit for a king

*The correct answer is D

When the burger king mascot is just lurking outside your window when you wake up in the morning you:

A.Immediately call the authorities and get a restraining order against "the King"

B.Ask him if the paper is here yet

C.Say to him "Is it warm enough to wear shorts today?"

D. Request the double crossain'wich with extra ketchup

*The correct answer is B

When you are an attractive topless woman on a deserted beach, and a the burger king mascot starts rubbing your back with oil you....:

A.Scream as loud as you can and reach for the can of mace in your beach bag

B.Look for Mitch Buchanan to try and save the day

C.Ask him to do your lower legs

D.Request a BLT

*the correct answer is C

This man is going to kill us all one day...

Letter of resignation

2006-02-24T07:45:00.000-08:00

Friday, February 24th, 2006

Dear Inspector Gadget, (aka dumbfuck in a gay looking coat with ivory white buttons who doesn't know his ass from his elbow)

Please consider this my letter of resignation effective immediately you stupid useless motherfucker. I feel that I have carried your retarded ass too long, and I want to explore other opportunities.

I have made this decision because I can't tell you how many times I wanted to punch you in the penis when you said go-go gadget umbrella and a hammer came out. I want to move forward with my career opportunities, and being your bitch (pardon the pun) is not one of them. I am tired of me and Penny being a Randy Savage to your Hulk Hogan. You get all the limelight from Chief Quimby and all we do is get shit on by you and the press. In case you didn't know, me and Penny bailed you out of ever jam you ever had, and what do we have to show for it? Penny missed out on a prime time in her life to discover who she was as a young woman, to help you save Christmas, because you couldn't do it herself. She is probably going to become a self-reserved librarian now, and start listening to KD Lang because she has never had the feel of a man ever. Don't be surprised when you come to her wedding, and see two bridesmaids on the top of the wedding cake...

I am not even going to say it was a pleasure working with you because quite frankly you are a piece of shit. You can take your gadgets and 15 cent hair cut and shove them up your go go gadget ass! The fact that you could not even catch Dr.Claw once makes me question our whole working relationship. Like the guy didn't even have a face, you could sneak up on him and he wouldn't even see it coming. Instead you had trouble between go go gadget van and go go gadget car. Fuck just writing this letter is making me angry, I hope you rot in hell.

There are a lot of other reasons why I think you are the load your mother should have swallowed, but I feel that at this time, it would be better if we both just moved forward amicably. I don't wish you any success in the future, and quite frankly I hope Dr.Claw gets the better of you one day. And Inspector, without me, I can guarantee that's going to happen.

I don't want to thank you for the opportunity.

Sincerely,

"Brain"

PS-Can I use you as a reference? I need another one for the position I applied for at Waffle House as assistant manager? Your help would be greatly appreciated!

It's a different world alright...

2006-02-23T06:52:00.000-08:00

Remeber Jasmine Guy from "A Different World" ? She also played Will Smith's love interest for one episode on the Fresh Prince?

If you stare at her outfit long enough, apparently you can see a little boy catching a fish.

Remember to relax your eyes though when you look at it though or you won't see it...

My good friend "Joel MacMillan"

2006-02-21T06:42:00.000-08:00

My good friend Joel MacMillan cracked Hollywood before I did. Even though he is a bit camera shy from this picture, you can rest assured that if looks could kill he would be....a swell handsome, young man. I am a bit jealous that he made it big before I did, but Trace's time will come.

Outtie 5000 G

My client is innocent, and here is the evidence to support my claim your honor

2006-02-17T10:26:00.000-08:00

If you could think of one word to describe Ben Affleck what would ut be Trace?

Underappreciated

That's right. I know Ben Affleck has turned out some bombs lately, and I mean stuff that would make the American military jealous, but the player hating on Big Ben needs to stop. I know Affleck is the butt-end of many jokes with the recent crap he has churned out. It's almost like studios track him down when he is on a bender with childhood friend Matt Damon, and ask him just to sign here. Next thing he knows, he is the lead in "Gigli 2:This time it's personal".

That being said, we need to take a look further back to have a legitimate defense for Affleck's recent turn into laughing stock of Hollywood. Let's take a look at the timeline of Benjamin and maybe we can piece together where it all went wrong. Is Ben Affleck guilty of being a flash in the pan? Or is he innocent of all charges rendered against him?

1993-After a few minor roles, Affleck nails the role of Fred O'Bannon in Dazed and Confused. Bannon is a stereotypical bad ass bully that you love to hate, and want to see him get his "cumuppings". Since it was such an ensemble cast with such actors as Milla Jovovich, Matthew McConaghey, Joey Lauren Adams, and Adam Goldberg, Affleck's role was a supporting one, but a great one nontheless. Of all the performances in Dazed and Confused, in my mind Affleck takes it easily.

1995-Affleck teams up with Kevin Smith to make MALLRATS. Mallrats is heavily anticipated by many after Smith produced one of the greatest movies for under 50,000 dollars called Clerks. The role sees Affleck take on that of bad ass prick again, but this time he works in a mall! Affleck plays the arch nemesis of Brody Bruce played by Jason Lee. Again, the ensemble cast overshadows Affleck's performance which is that of a supporting one. Teaming up with Kevin Smith will prove to be a great move for Affleck in the coming years.

1997-Easily Ben Affleck's best year! If I had to equate it to a wrestling year it would be Hulk Hogan and the year would be 1984 when Hogan defeated the Iron Sheik for the Heavyweight title at Madison Square Garden in 1984. (Hulkamania was born shortly thereafter...)
Affleck has the lead role in one of my favourite movies of all time in Kevin Smith's Chasing Amy. Affleck plays the insecure, yet lovestruck Holden McNeil. He ends up falling for a lesbian played brilliantly by Joey Lauren Adams. The movie itself, earns eight award nominations, and earns critical success. Affleck being the lead in it, earns great praise for his performance, despite the fact that he has the worst goatee know to man in it. Later on in the same year, he plays as Chuckie Sullivan in the Academy Award Winning film in Good Will Hunting. Affleck, and the film garner a score of award nominations, most notably as Best Written Screenplay in which he co-wrote with Matt Damon. Affleck's stock is skyrocketing, and he can start demanding "Ted Danson, Cheers money" now that he is an obvious male lead in Hollywood.

1998-2002-Affleck goes on to light it up on the big screen several times over this period. You can tell though that Big Ben has sold out. And who can really blame him? He stars in blockbusters such as Armageddon, Changing Lanes, Pearl Harbour, and The Sum of All Fears. He does find time though to take minor roles in some grat films as Boiler Room and Kevin Smith's, Jay and Silent Bob Strike back. (easily Kevin Smith's sell out picture) Affleck arguably on top of Hollywood, and still in his late twenties has the entertainment world by the short and curlies...then he met an ex fly girl and it all went to hell.

2003-Affleck signs on to do Gigli. He was on such a roll he figured he could do no wrong, and he figured if Christopher Walken is in it, it can't be that bad! Even though the two stars have as much on-screen chemistry as peanut butter and sionide, Affleck quickly falls for co-star Jennifer Lopez, and the two quickly become a couple. The press dubs them "Bennifer", and almost overnight, Affleck becomes the biggest bitch in Hollywood. Gigli makes less money than Enron stocks after the company filed for Chapter 11, but Affleck walks away by getting to go home and "tap" Jennifer Lopez, who is the hottest woman on the planet, every night. Hmmm crappy movie, but sex with Jennifer Lopez every night? It's a pretty fair trade off...

2004-The press won't stop ripping Affleck for Gigli, and rightfully so. After sobering up after a three week long bender with brother Casey, he quickly realizes that he made the worst mistake of his life and turns to old friend Kevin Smith to make things right. It's Smith's first stab at a mainstream film, and it also stars real life love interest, Jenniefer Lopez. Jersey Girl doesn't blow anyone away, but it hardly sucks by any means. Luckily for everyone involved Lopez dies ten minutes into the movie, and audiences as well as Affleck breathe a huge sigh of relief. It's also during this year that Bennifer throws in the white towel. The press has a field day, while Affleck decides what it's like to date a shemale by hooking up with Jennifer Garner. I don't know maybe he has a thing for Jennifer's. Oh yeah and he turns out box office giant Surviving Christmas with Sopranos star James Gandolfini. I know you're asking yourself what movie is that? Exactly....

2005-Current Day-Affleck decides to take a hiatus from acting still reeling from Gigli and Surviving Christmas. He and partner Jennifer "I can bench press my own weight and then some" Garner have a child together. In 2006, Affleck has three movies coming out, and hopefully one of them will do well. Friends say that Affleck is using the money he made from Armageddon to buy all remaining copies of Gigli so he can burn them.

Verdict: Innocent. Even though Affleck had a horrible 2003 and 2004, yuo can't deny his monster run of 1993-2002. I haven't seen that type of dominance since I don't know....Hulkamania. Even fans turned their back on Hogan, and he had a career renessance. And even though he made Gigli, he still scored the most desirable women on the planet. Not a bad consellation prize. Mr.Affleck, you are a free man with one stipulation, please don't agree to any more movies with Jennifer Lopez. This court is adjourned.

The pen is mightier than the actual thing

2006-02-16T11:15:00.000-08:00

Bought 40 Year Old Virgin on Sunday. Honestly best invetsment I have ever made. Not consistently funny, but the there are some parts where I swear I needed DEPENDS. Anyways, all day at work today, I have been reading the script of this movie, and for some reason it seems even funnier. I have been trading movie line quotes all day with a girl I used to work with, seeing who can come up with the funniest ones. ( I love my job)

It's also inspired me to rank in order, these recent comedies with guys like Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell, Steve Carrell, etc.

1. Wedding Crashers (that's right it is better than Old School)
2.Old School
3.Dodgeball
4.40 Year old Virgin
5.Anchorman
6.Starsky and Hutch

All are can't miss though in my mind, and 40 year old virgin and dodgeball were toss ups. The winner went to Dodgeball for Ben Stiller giving the finger while driving away on a moped.

Man in the Mirror

2006-02-15T10:11:00.000-08:00

I don't care what anyone says...Kevin Federline is Splinter. They look almost identical. The hair on the face, they long nose, the ability to give the peace sign when the camera is on them, and both are rats. Oh, and they are both equally as talented when it comes to rapping...

PoPo Zao??

I hope Kevin Federline dies the slowest and most painful death known to man. Give him the Chinese Water Torture, bury him alive, lock him in a room and make him listen to his own cd. I don't care, just make sure it is painful.

I always wanted to go down on Paul Walker's wife...AND BY GOD NOW I HAVE THE CHANCE!!

2006-02-12T14:57:00.000-08:00

Quick show of hands, ok who wants to go down on Paul Walker's wife? Be honest...(Trace raises hand)

Well I never thought I would have the chance to do it, but my prayers were finally answered. There is an actual online game for promotion of Walker's new movie called "Running Scared" where you can control Paul Walker going down on his wife. It comes equipped with Yellow Arrows to help guide you and find the G-Spot. ( side note: I could have used this back in 2000, but the picture Dave Grisham and Paul Williamson drew for me worked out just fine) It's hilarious, I tried copying a screen shot and it says "Your wife just came her fucking brains out". Pure genius. I guess this gives a whole new meaning to "double clicking her mouse". (I don't care what anyone says, that was an awesome line)

I have a few questions about this:

1.Will Paul Walker's facial expression change at all in this? I mean I have seen Paul Walker in Fast and the Furious, The Skulls, She's All That and Joy Ride. I swear his facial expressions don't change at all. It's like he is a spitting image of Keeanu Reeves. Wait that's a lie, in Varsity Blues he smiled. Scratch everything I just said.

2. If this is promotion for a movie, what the hell is the movie about?

3. If you don't make her orgasm, does a pop-up say you still did a good job anyway? And can the girl still fake?

So without any further ado, I am going to light some candles, throw on "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak, and grab a bottle of hand lotion....hopefully my brother doesn't walk in on me. (inside joke)

Seacrest Out

Dear Heather Locklear

2006-02-10T12:11:00.000-08:00

Dear Heather Locklear,

My name is Trace Milyn, I am an emerging 24 year old actor that lives in Los Angeles, CA. I am just going to throw it out right now, I love you. Now I don't want to scare you off, but I actually do love you, but purely in a "I think you're so hot, I would throw myself in front of a greyhound bus for you hot". I know 'love' is a term that has lost its lustre over the years, because it gets thrown around way too much, but I mean I ranked you number on my list of most attractive women over 40 a few months ago. NUMBER FREAKING ONE! I mean that's no easy feat! I know you don't feel your best right now because you and Richie just broke up, but believe me Heather, you can do way better...how much better? Try Trace Milyn better! I know a lot of A-List Hollywood like yourself feel the need to date other high profile celebrities, but I mean Richie Sambora? What he was popular like 17 years ago. Sure, I love getting just as drunk as the next person and belting out living on a prayer, but lets be honest, he's a zero, and I am a hero. I know you like musicians, and that's cool I won an air guitar contest in 1999 by doing the song "1979" by the Smashing Pumpkins with my friend Richard. Plus I played the triangle in the church choir when I was much younger, but then I shifted my focus from music to acting because that is where I felt my true calling was. I am sorry, I am talking about me too much, and not about "us".
But I mean I know it's early, but what were your thoughts on maybe like mini golf or ten pin bowling? Maybe after you could come back to my apartment and I could make you a stir fry? I just got a new George Foreman grill that is ithcing to be used. I have season two of Melrose Place on DVD, maybe we could watch a few episodes? It's funny because Amanda Woodward was such a bitch, but you are not, I am sorry it had to be said.
Anyways, my phone number is 818-987-0999. I hope to talk to you soon, and I'm not a weird guy, I do love you, and I think we would be great together. I'm not crazy...

Warmest Regards,

Trace

Mariah's Head

2006-02-09T05:39:00.000-08:00

Loyal readers know I got mad love for Herman's Head. I even wrote an entry on it earlier in the year. Here is the reaction of the people in "Mariah Carey's Head" after she lost out on all five major nominations she had at the Grammy's...(she did win three "pre telecast" ones, but I mean I think you get one of those automatically just for showing up)

The guy in the front row took it the worst I think. But the girl in the red shirt is a knockout. Trace has a thing for blondes you know.

Celebrity Endorsements gone bad...

2006-02-07T12:23:00.000-08:00

Ellen Degeneres as the spokesperson for Oscar Meyer Weiners
Christian Bale as the spokesperson for Jenny Craig
Tom Cruise as the spokesperson for Jesus Christ and the Church of Latter Day Saints
Shawn Kemp as the spokesperson for George Bush's "leave no child behind" program
Paris Hilton on NBC's "The more you know" segment
Dave Chapelle as the spokesperson for the NAACP
Keeanu Reeves as the spokesperson for Julliard
Michelle Rodriguez as the spokesperson for Young Drivers
Russell Crowe as the spokesperson for Sprint Cellular Phones

The greatest show on Earth (next to Satellite Porn)

2006-02-05T10:45:00.000-08:00

It's time...
Super Sunday is here, and I for one am excited. I usually don't get to enthralled with all of the build up for the big game. But for some odd reason with Superbowl, I always do. I have checked ESPN daily looking to read articles about more "behind the scenes" stories like Jerome Bettis will likely retire if he wins this Superbowl, and him being a native of Detroit it makes it that much more "heartwarming."
I love it when the players act as journalists and interview there team mates, that's always good for a laugh, or when the pre-game show starts at like 9:00 AM, and they have two players from opposing teams play each other on X-Box in Madden 2006. Sure, it's shameless promotion for X-Box, but it's still fun to see who wins.
And watching football pre-game shows, I feel like I am almost at school, but it's like my favourite class you know? Like when Michael Irvin, Ron Jaworski, and Steve Young go over the different plays, and "run the routes" on the mock field, I feel like I am actually learning something productive. You get a bit of that in other sports pre-game shows, but not as much as you do in the NFL.
A major knock on the Superbowl in the past decade and a half is that there is way too much hype, but the big game does not deliver. Fair enough, but since 2000 only two superbowls have ended in more than a 7 point differential. New England's 2002 and 2004 Superbowl were won at the last second, and who can ever forget Tennessee falling short on the one yard line against the Rams in 2000? I am saying that for all the hype that seems to escalate each passing year with the Superbowl, the games are delivering on the field which is great.
So I will gorge myself with salt and vinegar chips, nachos, and coke zero (maybe a few Pabst Blue Ribbons), and watch Pittsburgh win Superbowl 40. I like Bettis, and I want to see him get a ring, and I just don't like anything that comes out of Seattle I will be honest. When I think of Seattle, I think of Starbucks, rain, Frasier Crane, and just a boring place to be in general...

Steelers 28 Seahawks 17

Enjoy the game

For this movie/show I will take the Hellen Keller treatment please...

2006-01-31T13:23:00.000-08:00

I have several movies and shows that I have made a vow to myself never to watch. You can call me stubborn, I call myself loyal to the game. Now I am not saying any of these are bad movies or shows, I just have an inner voice telling me, "If you watch this, you will lose a part of your soul..." It's weird because the voice sounds exactly like Tito Jackson.

Titanic-My greatest accomplishment yet to date. I have never seen this nor will I ever. Ever since Leo DiCaprio stopped being Luke on Growing Pains, I think his stock dropped personally. I love talking to other girls and they say 'Oh, I watched it with my boyfriend John and he said he really liked it!!!' Here is what John was really thinking about:

"I better get to do the craziest shit ever to Jennifer tonight. I mean like porn star crazy. If I have to sit through this douchebag going down on a ship for three hours, I better get a damn threesome out of this. Why won't this fucker just die...Man I miss Leo DiCaprio on Growing Pains. Shit Jennifer is crying. What the fuck is wrong with her? I hope crying turns her on because she is not going to walk right for a week after I am done with her tonight...My heart will go on my ass...I am going to get a mixed drink"
Guys will only sit through Titanic because:

a)They have to
b)There is something for them in at the end of the night

Guys would not watch that willingly, and if they did, God help us all...

Sex in the City-Ah yes, four women in the big city loving and learning. Many women are big fans of this show, understandably so but I have a hard time buying the argument "Trace, you should watch it, you can really find out a lot of information about women and how their mind works at times!!!" Hmmmm, probably not! I love how it's "don't generalize women, but you should watch it because this is how women think." I am only 24, I am not too avid on unlocking the pshyce of a mildly attractive mid 30 something who is single and bitter at men. I have seen one episode of Sex in the City and I was siverely outnumbered so I lost to a numbers game. But if that's how a women's mind works, I think it's enough to send all men running to the hills. They are fictional characters, and so many times fans of the show are like "I am so like Samantha, or Carrie..." Uh yeah, no you're not. They are fictional characters, that's like me saying " I can really relate to Hulk Hogan." Sure, I had blonde hair at one point, enjoyed yellow and red t shirts, but I didn't go into public ripping off my shirt, and leg dropping everyone in sight. They are not real people...get it through your head...

Any comedy on the WB (with the exception of everyone hates chris)-Just turn any one of them on for five minutes...you will have your answer. On a side note, I miss the WB Frog.

I pity the fool...

2006-01-27T03:36:00.000-08:00

(Much thanks to Sara for sending this to me. Mr. T needs some love to)

Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.

You have only seen Mr. T in human form. In Narnia, he is a T. Rex with a lion's tail hanging out of his mouth.

Before Mr. T, the alphabet only had 25 letters. .

They say when a bear is chasing a group of people, you don't have tooutrun the bear, but only have to be faster than the slowest person. If Mr. T is chasing you, you're dead no matter what.

Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither.

Mr. T's sperm is so strong it could impregnate a man.

Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100! fools pitied a second.

On all 3428 instances it occurred, when Mr. T and Chuck Norris both'deflower' the same woman, the resulting spermal battles have caused the woman's uterus to explode in a flurry of pity and roundhousekicks.

Mr. T doesn't have internal organs. He had them removed to make more room for muscle.

The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T's neck was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

In 1995, Mr. T was diagnosed with B-cell lymphoma but he pitied hisown fool cells until the disease turned into T-cell lymphoma. Uponcloser inspection by doctors, the cancerous T-cells now had mohawks, gold chains around their nucleus and were tired of the other cell'sjibba-jabba.

Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of thesituation, he is always understood.

Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitaminT.

Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhousekicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it hastaken you to read this sentence.

On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters ofdisguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movementby getting on a bus....all caucasian people moved to the back.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Mr. T's ! pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstrationof the concept of infinity.

Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortestin the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of ablack screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesomeBritish path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shititself and created Scotland.

Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staffat Denny's forgot his birthday.

One day when Mr. T was just a little T doing push-ups on theschoolyard, he heard some kids singing "I'm a little tea-pot." Thinking those kids were tarnishing his reputation by associating T and pot, mini Mr. T proceeded to rip off the kids' handles anddislocate their spout! s before tipping them over and knocking themout.

The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him.What occurred next proved to be the most violent beating of a clownever recorded in human history.

Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.

It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.

Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

Mr. T once rocked the Casbah. Which explains why there is no longer aCasbah.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter. Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles

Mr. T always drives on the right side of the road, no matter where heis in the world

Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but re! leased him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around nakedin the woods.

Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.

All that glitters is not gold: If it's not being worn by Mr. T, then it's just jibba jabba, and Mr. T pities the fool who can't tell thedifference. This is where the phrase "fool's gold" comes from.
Mr. T once beat Mike Tyson in a boxing match with only his left thumb. After the three second match was over, Mr. T pitied Mike Tyson so badthat he began to talk funny.

When he found out he would lose the rematch while making Rocky III, Mr. T administered to Sylvester Stallone an angry look. Seeing Mr. T's anger broke every bone in Sly's face, left him mildly retarded andunable to remember the incident. To this day, Sly has no idea why he shits his pants at the mere sight of a black man with a mohawk.

Mr. T didn't know Rocky was a movie. He just wanted to kick the shit out of a white guy and steal his bitch, A-team style.

Michael Jackson is the only fool that Mr. T refuses to pity. He finds that it would be insulting to the pity.

Mr. T once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do thosepitiful fools know that Mr. T was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

You can lead Mr. T to water, but chances are that you will die there.

Mr. T once fell into a pool of lava. He nearly drowned.

Mr. T does not know you personally, but the odds are 7 in 10 that he pities you.

If you were born before 1980, there is a good chance that Mr. T is your father. If you were born after, it's guaranteed

If you aien't white...

2006-01-26T09:00:00.000-08:00

I don't know if any of you saw the primetime Jamie Foxx special last night on NBC. I luckily came across it and got to see the whole hour long show. It was a great show, kind of weird how they did flashback clips of Jamie Foxx growing up in Terrell, Texas, but it was still a great show nonetheless. A primetime special on NBC and I heard nothing about it, I felt that was kind of weird.

Anwyays, after I saw this article about it, it shed some light on it. Take it for what it's worth, but anything in primetime usually gets hyped to hell. (especially on NBC)

Check it out here

The greatest thing on the internet today

2006-01-25T12:33:00.000-08:00

I think it's safe to say A.C. Slater changed the landscape of television forever when he rolled into Bayside. Little did he know that in his years to follow, this would occur...

The Network
The Mario Lopez Network has been established to bring fans and friends from around the world together in one forum. By joining the Network you will part of a select group of individuals to obtain information regarding Mario's projects, advance notice on new merchandise, and access to contests throughout the year for really cool prizes!

So what are you waiting for? Sign up today! Membership is only $30 ($10/year after the first year), and you will receive ALL of the following items:

A signed 8x10 photo of Mario himself
A detailed biography of Mario Lopez, including details not available ANYWHERE else (not even on this web site!)
A birthday card *AND* a special holiday card from Mario
2 *SURPRISE* gifts from Mario!
Official Mario Lopez Network membership card
Access to exlusive mailings, contests, and merchandise ONLY available to members of the Mario Lopez Network.

Since the Mario Lopez Network has just begun, WE WANT YOU! So to help get the network going, we are going to sweeten the pot! For the first 30 members to sign up, you will receive a personal phone call from Mario himself! That's right. This is not a joke. This is not a recording. The first 30 people to sign up on the Mario Lopez Network will receive a phone call from Mario in appreciation for your support.
But wait........ there's more......... ;-)

Have a lot of friends that like Mario? The first community to get 1000 members to sign up on the Mario Lopez Network will receive Mario himself. What? That's right. The first community that has 1000 people within a 300-mile radius sign up on the Mario Lopez Network will receive a meet-and-greet with Mario Lopez himself. Mario will fly to your location and have a fully catered party with the very people that have made all of this possible. You. The fans.

How does it work?

It's easy.

All you have to do is sign up! And when you're done, email all your friends and get them to sign up. That's it! The website's administrator will keep track of all entries and as soon as 1000 people are signed up in your given area, email will be sent to all the winners, and an official announcement will be made on mariolopez.net to detail all information for the meet-and-greet. So I ask again, what are you waiting for? Sign up today and let's get the Mario Lopez Network off to a flying start!You're only one click away.... www.mariolopez.net

*This is an actual site as sad as it to write about. If you want a chuckle, check out the FAQ section. I don't know what's funnier, the questions people ask him, or the responses he gives. I am so tempted to sign up and see if I can get a phone call from Mario Lopez. I would be a smitten kitten. My question would be "Hey Slater, what was it like not getting to nail Jessie in high school, then as soon as she graduated, she became the village whore...how did that make you feel? And how often do you work out?"

"This is a pen"

2006-01-24T17:04:00.000-08:00

I don't think I have ever laughed so hard at something in my life. (MAD RESPECT TO NORA WHO IS GIVING ME THESE GOLDEN VIDEO CLIPS BY THE WAY!!!)

I don't know if this young Japanese student has terets, or if Japanese people just get so excited they flail their limbs uncontrollably...

As funny as this is, (and Dakota Fanning was unvelievably composed during this) it would have been even better if he interviewed Tom Cruise, since it was promoting War of the Worlds in Japan. I think Tom could have matched his craziness and lack of composure in this interview.

Check it out here. I swear you will laugh so hard, I can't believe it...

I can give you a reason why not Emily

2006-01-24T05:18:00.000-08:00

I don't know if you heard the bad news, but Heather Graham's new show "Emily's reasons why not" was cancelled after one show. That's amazing! I shouldn't say that though because me and Heather are tight like that. I was invited over to her house to watch the premiere of it on television last week with some of her close friends and family. Here is a timeline of the events:

8:30 PM PST-HERE IT IS!! Opening sequence of a show about a 30 something woman who has everything in her life figured out except relationships. She has some quirky firends, one of which is the token black guy and he's gay to boot! Phew, I was a bit relieved because if the black guy WASN'T gay, that would be just offensive! I was very glad to see they touched on many different minorities. Oh plus they threw in the loud mouthed female friend who always "tells it like it is". Man, I am thinking to myself this show screams of originality! This is going places...MASH places....Cheers Places....

8:37 PM PST-First commercial break, I went to go grab a Dr.Pepper from the fridge. I had been eating this neat bean dip Heather had made for all of us, and my throat was perched. I came back to the couch and John Travolta stole my seat which really pissed me off. I am like 'excuse me John, I was sitting there, I had to go and get a soda. I even had Christina Applegate save it!' She denied ever having the responsibility to save it, so I lost my seat to John Travolta. Bummer...

8:42 PM PST-I begin to fully realize that I am part of something very special. I mean I am sitting here watching what could be the next biggest thing on television. There is an unspeakable energy in the room..suddenly Orlando Bloom farts and everyone has a chuckle. He blames it on the bean dip.

8:56 PM PST-The final credits roll and everyone at the party deems it a rousing success!! Heather is in tears because this is finally the break she has been looking for since she has been fairly quiet since Austin Powers. To cap it off, Heather is serenaded by a rousing version of we are the champions by Gary Busey.

9:01 PM PST-ABC execs calls Heather's house and tell her that her show got beat out by every other show that was on television that night. I almost beat C-Span and a re-run of Eight is Enough on Nick at Nite, but it just didn't have the juice in the end. They tell her that the show has been subsequently cancelled. This was really awkward because Heather had it on speaker phone so we all heard the bad news at the same time. A silent hush fell over the stunned gathering. To cut the awkward moment and to show they were still behind her, Vince Vaughn and Jon Voight tried starting a slow clap, but to no avail. When that didn't work, Gary Busey thought he would try to make light of thr situation and started doing "Another one bites the dust", but it didn't go over too well with the sombre crowd at Heather's house.

9:03 PM PST-We all felt it was best to leave Heather alone and collect her thoughts. Scott Baio suggested we all go back to his house and have a boggle tournament. Everyone obliged, so we went back to Scott's house and had a great time.

Hey weren't you in every movie ever made?

2006-01-23T05:44:00.000-08:00

Look at the Big S over here. It seems that every time I watch a movie Samuel Jackson was always involved in it. Even if he doesn't have a role in it, he still did something behind the secenes. For instance I was watching the credits roll through on Meatballs 2, and the catering was courtesy of Samuel L. Jackson. Or how about if you watch the credits in Dude, Where's My Car? Samuel L. Jackson is the special assitant to Ashton Kutcher. Anyways, I don't know if I am a Samuel L. Jackson fan or not, but I am going to rank in top ten fashion, the best movies he was in. (Not his actual performance, or size of it, just the movie itself)

1.Pulp Fiction
2.Donnie Brasco
3.Goodfellas
4.Die Hard 3-Die Hard with a vengance
5.Unbreakable
6.Kill Bill 2
7.Jurassic Park
8.SWAT
9.The Great White Hype
10.Juice

Mistakes happen

2006-01-20T08:39:00.000-08:00

Here is a small excerpt from the Los Angeles times in regards to the mishap between Reese Witherspoon's dress mix-up with Kirsten Dunst.

Los Angeles (AP)
Reese Witherspoon took home the golden globe for best actress in a musical or comedy with her performance in the Johnny Cash biopic "WALK THE LINE". However, the bigger story semeed to be that Witherspoon was wearing a dress that Kirsten Dunst had worn a few years ago to an award show. A red faced Witherspoon said she was unaware that the dress had originally been worn by Miss Dunst.
In a related story, childhood star Jeremy Jackson who rose to fame with his role of Hoby Buchanan on Baywatch, recently showed up at an awards show wearing the same hair style as Nick Nolte did when he attended the Hawaii Entertainment awards back in 2002. Neither Jackson or Nolte were avilable for comment.

Hooked on a feeling

2006-01-18T09:05:00.000-08:00

What do you get when you combine David Hasselhoff wearing a huge furry parka, having a huge fish thrown at him and pretending to eat it, then having him sing with African tribes, ride a motorcycle with no hands, and have him do the mash potato while also flying through mid air with birds?

No it's not the secret ingredients to make Beef Stroganhoff, and no it's not a crazy acid trip....

My friends, if you combine these elements, you get what I can only describe as the best music video of all time....HOOKED ON A FEELING

(special thanks to Nora Artinian for sending it to me ;) Any more Hoff related items please send my way Nora!)

Anyways, it's lunch time, I am going to go heat up my beef stroganhoff...

'Celebrity' (and I use that term loosely)

2006-01-18T05:28:00.000-08:00

I can't let this go on any further. What is with FOX making these god-awful shows with so called 'celebrities'?

While channel surfing a few weeks ago, I recently saw an ad on FOX for 'Skating with the Celebrities.' But it was the funniest thing, I didn't see any celebrities!

Todd Bridges is always on these 'celebrity' shows, yet the last head shots he had done weren't for an upcoming audition, they were for the state penetentiary.

Jillian Barberie, wow her extensive work as giving us the weather forecast on the FOX NFL Pregame pretty much makes her the hottest and most in-demand female celebrity today. Dave Coulier, come on...who are you kidding? But I see that he is skating with Nancy Kerrigan...hopefully he has some better luck than she did.

Kristy Swanson? I guess since she and Luke Perry slayed all of the vampires back in 1992, she has had a lot of free time on her hands. Figure skating with Lloyd Eisler would be the next logical step.

And Bruce Jenner IS NOT EVEN A CELEBRITY!! He was a good athlete over 20 F@#$%^& years ago! If you're going to bring back an athlete bring back one that's entertaining like Dennis Rodman or Mike Tyson.

Deborah Gibson's resume is off the hook. In fact, if you check out her profile on IMDB, her most notable appearance is an uncredited part as Birthday Girl on the Tavern Green in Ghostbusters 1.

If you're going to advertise your show as having 'celebrities', please use real celebrities, and not fake ones. Thanks again FOX!

Don't Hostel-Hate

2006-01-17T05:17:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so for all the people who saw Hostel and hated on it, or just hated on Hostel based on the ads,well I have some great news for you...

They're making a sequel to it...

Check it out here

Finally Hollywood does something right....

(And yes Melissa, you're going to see it with me....)

I'M CALLING YOU OUT!!!

2006-01-16T11:13:00.000-08:00

This entry is for one person....and one person only....

Today I call out J.E. Skeets, the man who has brought us wonderful entries such as DJ Tanner's diary, and dancing with the NBA Stars. He even started me in the crazy game of blogging.

But the student is going to call out his teacher on this day my friends.

A few months back, JE briefly mentioned that he would write about why he thought Donatello was the leader of the Ninja Turtles. But it has never happened.... I waited with anticipation to see this entry but much a teenage male who had too much sex in one night, it never came.

So Skeets, you got one night, one night my friend to prove to me why you think Donatello was the leader of the Turtles, when we all know it was Leonardo.

I'll ring the bell.....DING DING!!!

Another super original idea from North of the border

2006-01-16T05:26:00.000-08:00

A big round of applause goes out to the creator of the new hit show 'Falcon Beach'. I mean this show is really going to revolutionize television as we know it. It has all the great and original elements to make it happen.

*sexy teens
* a beach..not just any beach though...one with Falcons
*betrayal and romance
*young love

Wow! How did you guys think this up? I mean it's not like any other show on television right..cough...cough...THE OC....Oh excuse me I just threw up in my mouth when I thought about how Global is going to run 900 000 ads for this piece of shit show over the next few weeks during the NFL playoffs and Superbowl. ( I swear if they super impose a Falcon Beach logo over the field at the superbowl I'm going to end Global tv via multiple car bombs)

Now I know it has the handicap of being produced in Canada, and Canadian shows are kind of like the Chicago Cubs. They are the lovable losers, and no matter how well they start off, you know they are always ultimately going to fail. But it's always neat to think they are good, and support them, then watch them crash and burn when people finally realize they are pieces of unoriginal garbage, they turn to a more entertaining show that can be found on FOX, CBS, NBC, ABC, etc. It's such a shame that Canadian production companies are getting the resources to create shows, and the best they can do is some lame rip-off of a popular show in the United States. (A beach show that takes place in Manitoba? If this is supposed to be their point of differentiation from the OC, God help us all)

Why can't Canadians come up with something original? I mean there has been proven success with shows like Corner Gas and This Hour Has 22 Minutes which is original, and entertaining and has great Canadian content.

But yet so many times, they look to the United States, see what's popular, completely jack the idea, cast a bunch of nobodies who are attractive, slap some stupid title on it, and say it's a great Canadian show.

BULLSHIT!

I guarantee that Falcon Beach will not be on the air within two years. People who watch the OC will watch Falcon beach, it's a given. But once they realize that both shows are the exact same concept, only the OC is better, then the fad of Falcon Beach will die a very fast death.

And I for one am hoping that is much sooner, than later...

Celebrity drinking game

2006-01-15T16:22:00.000-08:00

Went out in Windsor last night. Had a great time with some of my Midwest Peeps. Played a few drinking games and ended up coming out relatively unscathed. I figure some celebrities deservce their own drinking game. Here's a a few ideas and the rules for them!

The William Hung Game: Drink as much as you can for fifteen minutes.

The Lisa Turtle Game: Drink as much as you can, sprain an ankle, then dance on your good ankle as long as you can. Last person standing wins.

The Matthew McConaughey Game: Drink a shitload of beer, and the first person to get up the nerve to play an insturment naked wins.

The Nick Nolte Game: The winner of this game is simple. They get supremely tuned, try and put on the most god awful clothes ever, and then try and eletrecute themslves giving them the worst hair ever. (*not a game for the weak of heart)

The Jason Kidd game: First person to get drunk and punch a girl in the stomach wins. (Bonus points if you go on to marry her and she has a kid, and the kid has a head the size of a hot air ballon)

Some rejected names for Brokeback Mountain

2006-01-13T13:17:00.000-08:00

1. Save a horse ride a cowboy
2.Lasso of love
3.Bareback Mountain
4.These terrains make me experiment with other men
5. Home on the Range,where these two guys sexual needs are strange
6. Not that there's anything wrong with that
7."Branded" in the face by love
8.Pitching and catching-A unique Midwest American love tale
9.Weekend at Bernie's 3

Personally I would have went with choice number 7

I'm going to Idaho

2006-01-12T17:25:00.000-08:00

WHO ME?
YES YOU BIG WILL! I know that when you were laying down sick tracks for Big Willy Style back in 98' you didn't want to rap about "Miami", you wanted to kick a track dedicated to Idaho! Luckily, I still have a rough copy of the first verse we laid down on the studio.

uh- Idaho yeah, yeah...Hells Canyon, bringing the heat- jig it out, uh

here i am in the place where I come to let go-you and I know it's got to be Idaho.
the steak is sizzling and we got kick ass potatoes
Everyday like a hee haw mardi gras- everbody party all day no work- all hay, ok?

so we sip a bunch of moonshine, get really wasted and leave the rest to spill.
me and ernie at the bar running up a high bill
drank too much hooch and I'm feeling ill, gonna drive home drunk, I got possums to kill
and every time I honk my general Lee Horn ladies be like Hi Will!

Yall feel me
All ages and races, Real sweet faces, every single nation
We got white, dutch, english, caucasian, son we drive pick ups, we don't drive cars made by Asians

I only come for 2 days of straight hail baying,
but every time we come, the white folks put me to work and we always wind up staying.
This the type of town i could spend a few days in,
Boise, Idaho the city that keeps the cows grazing.

chorus:
Party in the city where good eatin' is on.
All night on the range opening up fire on a little fawn
Welcome to Idaho (bienvenido a Idaho)
Bouncin on the mechanical bull when it is turned on
All morning in the kitchen helping skin a dead fawn.
Im going to Idaho, welcome to Idaho

Hollywood High School Reunion Highlights

2006-01-11T16:56:00.000-08:00

Hollywood High School or HHS as I like to call it, had their reunion and all alumni were welcome to attend. It was their 23 year reunion, so obviously a lot of celebrities who once graced the magestic halls of HHS were in full order on this night. Here are a few of the more awkward highlights from an otherwise great night!

*Two old classmates saw Robert Downey Jr. pouring a 40 of vodka into the punch bowl. They approached him and asked "Robert, are you trying to spike the punch? Isn't that a bit juvenile?" He responded by saying no, "I am just making myself a mixed drink."

*Ike Turner won the lifetime achievement award. Romy and Michelle both were visibly annoyed and upset at the decision. After Ike gave his thank you speech he came off stage and punched both of them in the stomach and then yelled out "This is my reunion bitches....Post it notes my ass...y'all crazy"

*While walking through a crowd of people with a tray of drinks, Ted McGinley was stopped and asked "Teddy Bear, what are you doing with all of those drinks?" McGinley looked a little nervous and said "Oh, these here are for me, Clooney, Pitt, and Damon they are just over there" The person responded by saying, "Well then why do you have a name tag on saying 'Hello my name is Ted, I will be your server' " Ted hurried away briskly...

*Schwarzenegger and Hulk Hogan had a push up contest to see who was stronger. Both tied so then they had a bench pressing contest with Roseanne Barr. Both men were still tied, so they said the ultimate tiebreaker would be who has the smaller testicles after years of steroid abuse. Hogan won by 1/8 of an inch. He won by tearing off his Red and Yellow tuxedo, and dedicated his win to all of his Hulkamaniacs.

*Carrot Top put a novelty ice cube in Don Cheadle's drink. Cheadle was caught off guard by the innocent prank, and began choking on his drink. David Hasslehoff ran across the room and gave mouth to mouth to Cheadle after he briefly lost consciousness. After Hasslehoff helped Cheadle up off the ground, everyone noticed that Hasslehoff had a huge bulge in his tuxedo pants. A red faced Hasslehoff exclaimed "It's not what you think..."

*Dustin Diamond tripped and fell into the huge reunion cake spilling it everywhere ensuring no one got any cake that night.

*Russell Crowe got really hammered and requested to do "Shot through the Heart" by Bon Jovi with the band that was playing at the reunion. He was so drunk, he passed out after the first chorus. After he passed out, Will Smith and Jerry Seinfeld played "Weekend at Bernie's" with him.

*Kirstie Alley ate all of the finger foods by herself, then had really bad gas all night. Like no one could sit within 15 feet of her it was that bad.

*Tom Cruise had to be restrained after they started playing "Jump Around" by House of Pain. He began jumping all over couches and chairs and proclaiming "I'm in love!"

Yeah, it was a very interesting night to say the least...

Scary Times

2006-01-10T06:11:00.000-08:00

Last night, I checked a short video called 9/11 in plane site. The 9/11 stuff still interests me today for some reason. Anyways, in Plane Site, they don't get into all of the political mumbo jumbo, they just take a look at the actual physical data, and closely examine both explosions on the the twin towers, and the pentagon. I probably wouldn't have been as intrigued to see this movie, but last year, my good friend JE Skeets, sent me an e-mail which at the time was intersting, but I just took as food for thought.

But after watching this last night, there is much more to the story than the public has been led to believe. As I've grown older, and become a bit wiser, I know that the truth is more or less a fallacy. It will never exist, and we are only left with shades of gray. I am not much of a conspiracy theorist, but I always do enjoy and feel it's necessary to see both sides of the coin in any situation now matter how far fetched it may seem at times.

This DVD uncovers many things were kept very hush hush, and it's not crazy jaron either, it's just unique television footage that no one saw on the morning of 9/11. Some of the highlights:

*the security camera on the morning of 9/11 outside the pentagon says September 12th

*the only other security footage they had of the pentagon was from a private gas station and it faced exactly where the plane would have hit. Government officials showed up less than 20 minutes later, and seized the tapes. No one has seen them...

*While the first tower is ablaze, and right before the second tower is about to be hit, there is a huge explosion at the foot of the north tower, and there is tonnes of rubble and debris. How is this possible if the north tower had not even come down yet? This footage was actually shown once by CNN, and they were never allowed to show it again...(they show it on this video and it's just messed up...)

*First hand accounts of firefighters who wnet into the building and heard "Bomb explosions" going off systematically while in the tower.

But the most telling footage is that of both planes hitting the tower. They slow it down frame by frame, and both planes have a distinct flare right before they hit the towers, it's not a glare of light, because they show it from over 4 different angles. And they also show a unique looking object on the bottom of the plane. Eye witness accounts also say that there is no way that was a commercial plane, that it had no windows. They even have a commuter who was doing a live phone interview on FOX news and he keeps saying "That was not a commerical air liner"

Man I don't know how they got their hands on some of this footage, but it is very eerie...And that's what's so important because the the footage they take is right from the footage we all saw that day, so it adds a lot of credibility to the overall theme.

So for all of you conspiracy theorists out there, definitely check this out...

The website can be found here

Wow is Wal-Mart ever bad...

2006-01-09T07:20:00.000-08:00

Last night watched a documentary on Wal-Mart called The High cost of Low Price.

Now I am not going to start a huge beef with pros and cons of wal-mart. I have heard many different takes on it, and to be quite honest I didn't know much about it. You hear their name pop up in the news a lot, usually not in a good light either. My feeling on Wal-mart WAS indifferent. Whether they came or didn't I really didn't care one way or another. But after seeing this documentary, I can honestly say a lot of things need to change.

The documentary is very well put together from beginning to end. It takes footage of WAL-MART CEO Lee Scott talking at public appearances, then it goes to a certain wal-mart store in the United States, and they recant a story about how Wal-Mart violated it whether it be environmental regulations, harrassment, not paying employees, sexism, putting small businesses out of business, etc. All the negative things that come attached with the reputation of WAL-MART are painfully uncovered. Some scenes were difficult to watch, but I think the one that was the worst when Lee Scott talked about Wal-Mart's relationship with the Chinese Government. They interviewed a young couple who both worked at one of the warehouses in China. They barely had enough money, the female ( she was referred to as "Princess" ) worked from 7:30 AM to 10 PM. She had the chance to "live" at a dormatory in the warehouse, but it was so unbelievable unsanitary it was disgusting. Plus THEY MADE THEM PAY RENT, HEAT, AND WATER BILLS!!! Even if they didn't live in the dormatory she said, they still charged you for heat and water anyways. Some other neat facts about the Wal-Mart documentary:

-Wal-Mart Employees paid over 50 million to various charities. The Walton family who is valued at over 100 billion dollars donated 6000 dollars.

-Wal-Mart has actual videos made in Wal-mart stores that are anti-union, and they show them to the employees.

-A full time employee working at Wal-Mart (sales associate) makes almost 5,000 less than the national poverty line in America.

-When scouting locations for places to put in a WAL-Mart store, they would drive through towns and go "6 months", "1 year", "3 months" referencing how long they would last before they were shut down after Wal-Mart sucked up all the business.

After seeing this documentary, I would have to say that as much as I love saving money, I don't think I can go to Wal-Mart and feel good about myself. (therefore it might be a long while if ever shop there again) The documentary was very well done, and it's not some screaming diatribe about people hating Wal-Mart, it's mostly wal-mart employees, and ex wal-mart employees who used to be very high up, and they just simply state the business practices that went on there. All of it is factual based from studies, and actual events told right from the employees. But it ended on a positive note by showing how communities are banding together and shutting out Wal-Mart stores across America which was nice.

If you are a staunch Wal-Mart hater, I suggest you bring a stress ball, or something that may reduce your rage levels, because you will want to put your fist through a television while watching this. I would strongly recommend that anyone watch this movie, because it is very interesting, and if anyone has an argument against Wal-Mart this documentary alone would kill any argument they had. But, I have rambled on enough about it, go check it out if you have the chance, it's certainly very worth it.

*Check out the extra features to. The anti-walmart ads are hilarious...

Trace

Now that's Perfect...

2006-01-09T05:36:00.000-08:00

This post may not apply to many people, but if you were a wrestling fan back in the day, you might remember a wrestler named Mr. Perfect. Now in my mind a great wrestler has to be able to be very entertaining in the ring (a solid wrestler) but just as important, he has to be equally as entertaining on the "mic."

I always loved Mr. Perfect's promos. He would be chilling at a baseball diamond, and then every hit he got would be a homerun. Or he would be kicking it at a basketball court and every shot he made would be a basket.

But my favourite one of all time would have been the football one. Mr Perfect throws a football from one end zone to another and right after he throws it down, he runs in slow motion, and catches it at the other end of the field. FUCK THAT WAS GENIUS!

To impress a girl in Grade Four I tried doing the football thing to impress her. I took a few steps back on that unforgiving Bedford playground and heaved it as far as I could...

It ended up only going about ten yards, and when I ran to try and catch it I slipped and ripped a whole in my snow pants....NOW THAT'S NOT PERFECT!!

Oh man how I used to love those promos....

RIP Mr.Perfect...

Have you given human torture a try?

2006-01-07T22:49:00.000-08:00

Quick post before I hit up the bed for some solid sack time. Saw Hostel tonight. Wanted to see it ever since I saw the trailer for it. I am a huge mark for horror movies so naturally I was all over this one.

The trailer made it out to be very scary, and 80's-esque with it's over the top brutality and violence. But after watching the movie it's actually not that bad. I think watching so many horror movies I am desensitizing to all of the violence anyways. But still I shuddered in a few parts.

The concept and idea was really cool, and I think Hostile has the chance to go down as a cult horror movie twenty or thirty years from now. It's not super cheesy acting, but no one is certainly going to win any oscars either. I was honestly a bit disappointed with the lack of violence throughout the movie, but the last twenty minutes made up for it. Oh man....there are some brutal torture scenes.

Overall I would give this like an 8 out of 10. It did what it was supposed to do. People in the audience gasped and screamed at certain parts which makes it that much of a better atmosphere to watch it in. Plus as I stated earlier the concept was pretty unique. I haven't seen SAW, but I have heard great things, and when we left the young lady I was with said it reminded her very much of SAW. So I guess if you liked SAW go check this out.

*Just a word of advice to any of my homeboys traveling around the world (STeash, Dave, Roy...especially ROY!)

If these two hot girls....I mean super unbelievable hot girls want to have sex with you while meeting them on your travels, say thanks, but no thanks. They might try to buy you drinks to, and give you ecstasy, simply say NO! Because if you do say yes, then you might be awakened by a power drill getting shoved into different parts of your chest, then your heels slashed open so you can't escape. Other than that enjoy your travels. And be careful Dave, the Americans bring in the most money....I know it doesn't make sense, but after you see Hostel it will.

Ciao for now!

False Advertising

2006-01-07T08:52:00.000-08:00

The other day while eating dinner I saw an ad for a tv show called "Daisy Does America". Naturally I was a bit curious and intrigued, and the ad said it was going to be on at 8pm.

8pm slowly rolls around, I light a few candles to set the mood, paint my nails and draw a face on my hand with marker. ( I named her Shirley) I grab a bottle of mosturizer...I'm ready to give myself the ultimate stranger to Daisy does America....and then I find out it's a show about a brisitsh comedian who goes across the United States. DAMN YOU TBS!!! It was pretty embarrassing needless to say. But was even more embarassing was I accidentally did the face in permanent marker, and I was all out of nail polish remover, so I had to go to work the next day with "Shirley still on me". When people asked I just said I was babysitting my 7 yr old nephew Eli, and we were doing hand puppets.

*Note-If you click on the link to the article above, it says David and Courtney Arquette are the brains behind the new comedy. David Arquette and the brains behind it? Isn't that an oxymoron? Kind of Like "President Elect Corky Thatcher"

...Ladde De Ladde La Ladde de la L L L L Life goes on.....Oh Corkster it sure does. Nice tie by the way. He certainly looks like a cunning polictal figure in the making.

Addition by subtraction

2006-01-05T17:49:00.000-08:00

Very quick post tonight, more of a question to the readers, then my feelings on it. But please do post any comments, I think it's a fair comment, and I do want to get all perspectives on it.

When a promising actor, musician, or any entertainer dies young, does it add a false legacy that may or may had not been achieved had they lived a longer full life?

I think that it does add a false sense of notoriety. Now it's a loaded question because none of us can say what would have happened if they stayed alive, but dying young certainly can't hinder their career. Now I know everyone always has positive things to say, and positive memories to think of when any person passes away. But in terms of a legacy left behind in the entertainment world, I think dying young is a great thing. I mean take a look at James Dean, he only did two movies, yet you could argue he is an American icon. He has a cult like following almost 50 years after he died. Now his movie Rebel Without A Cause is a classic film, and it made him a huge star, but he only did two more movies after that yet he is still talked about today.

And what about artists like Tupac Shakur and Notorious BIG? Both of these musicians were taken from their fans at the height of their popularity and talent. Now both respective artists have been very influential in not only the hip hop world, but also major figures in their respective communities. They did produce a lot of songs, many of which had actual meaning to a lot of people. They connected with their fans, and although they did have raps about shooting guns, sleeping with lots of women, killing their enemies, etc much like the stereotype of rap music, they also had a lot of songs that did have substance and a deep meaning. But if both gentleman were alive today, and doing pop/rap duos with like N Sync, and Shakira because that's what sells today, would the casual fan of their music look at them in the same light they are both regarded in today? I honestly don't think they would.Are we going to look back at Nelly in 30 years and go "Man, Nelly was a huge influence on hip hop and rap?"

I don't think so.

He was an artist who had a good sound at an opportune time, and capitalized on it. And all the power to him for it, but it takes more than just record sales to become an icon like Biggie and Tupac.

I think the thought and mystery of "what could have been" will always fuel their legacy for years to come. Again I know it is a hypothetical question, we can never know for sure, but hey it's my blog.

Holla atcha' boy on this one

Original Prankster

2006-01-01T14:36:00.000-08:00

Well first things first. I hope everyone had a safe and happy new year. I know I did, at least the points I remember anyways. I'm pumped for 2006, I think it's going to be a good year.

Now I have always been of a joker and prankster. I love pulling a good rib just as much as the next guy or girl, so the following are a few pranks I would pull on celebrities if I had the chance.

Replace Paris Hilton's birth control with mints.

Punch Viggo Mortgensen in the face while he is sleeping and then say, "that's for a history of violence you fuck. You cost me 13 bucks."

Pull a drive by shooting with a super soaker on Fifty Cent

Pretend to be Richard Greco's agent, call him up and tell him I have a major role opposite Tom Cruise and Nicholas Cage in a huge blockbuster movie. Then tell him just kidding, go back to waiting tables at Denny's.

Replace Aneglina Jolie's adopted son with a cabbage patch doll and see how long it takes her to notice. (My guess is 2-3 days before she even notices.)

Mail a bible to Tom Cruise with a note attached saying "Why don't you give real religion a try?"

Take a dump on Ashlee Simpson's front lawn and then yell out "I bet you I can sell more of these than your newest cd."

Challenge Sylvster Stallone to an arm wrestling contest. And then just as we are about to start arm wrestling I will pull my hand back and yell " Stop or My Mom will shoot was the worst 2 hrs of my life". Then run away.

Piss in Sandra Bullock's ice tray

Hire Kanye West to play at George Bush's birthday party

Resume Workshop

2005-12-31T04:51:00.000-08:00

James Lance Bass (like the fish)
1234 Frosty Tips Lane
Los Angeles, California
25896
Phone 818-829-3695
E-mail bassswimupstream@excite.com

Objective: To gain a position in mid to upper management through my extensive activities and experiences in the entertainment industry. Also, to have a good singing voice.

Selected Accomplishments: 1. Almost made it in to space! Was literally a fingernail away from going, then people didn't care about me after N' Sync broke up. So I couldn't get the 20 million dollars I needed, to go to outer space.

2. Was the lead in a movie called On The Line. The movie went right to video, but it did land on the New Release section for about half a day in Blockbuster, then it went right to the "3 for 9.99 bin."

3. Voted world's biggest douchebag from 1997-2001. (Many entertainment insiders have told me personally that this record will never be broken.)

4. Dated Topenga from Boy Meets World. Remember, she used to be so cute on that show. Well I don't know what happened, but those days are long gone. Actually, if I dated her in her prime it would be an accomplishment, now I am not so sure though.

Inter-personal skills : 1. I am extremely organized. In fact, I am so organized that my fellow bandmates always call me 'Scoop' because I always know the scoop as to where we need to be, and what time we have to be there by, etc.

2. My willingness to be a team player. I hate to beat a dead horse, but when I joined N' Sync a few years ago, the group wanted to change my name to Lansten. I obliged because I felt it would be the best for the group.

Technical Skills: 1. I just bought a cell phone, and am becoming a great text messenger.

2. Extremely proficient in using e-mail, and yahoo. Last week I hooked up my brother's lexmark printer.

3. Very well versed in using my automatic garage door opener.

Education: No Comment

Previous Work Experience: 1. Have done extensive work at the Miss Teen USA pagents.

2. Had a kick-ass guess spot on 7th Heaven.

Personal Interests: 1. I really like eating ice cream. My favourite Ice Cream is Butter Pecan.

2. I enjoy collecting Tazmanian Devil memoribilia.

3. Favourite Food is french toast.

4. To unwind after a long day, I like to give myself a full body wax, and some highlights in my sandy blonde hair.

REFERENCES AVILABLE UPON REQUEST

A few tips to make the "new NHL" more entertaining

2005-12-30T14:42:00.000-08:00

Hey Gar Bear! It's Trace Milyn, entertainment mogul, and heart throb to all teen girls! Anyways, I watched a bit of NHL hockey this week on my vacation. It was on ESPN 8, "the Ocho" if I'm not mistaken. I thought there was a game on the Outdoor Life Network, but it turned out it was a re-run of the bass fishing championships from 1986. I recently read a statement where you said attendance was up from where it previously was. Hey, that's great Gary! But if I do my math correctly, let's see, I carry the one, multiply by .78, use BEDMAS, I have your average attendance being at 0 people for the year of 2005. But it's good to see attenadance is up. But Gary, I think the game is still lacking a few things here and there. Maybe my suggestions could help you make the game even more marketable, and a better on ice product to watch! Just follow my lead with this Gary!

1. Every time a team scores they have to do a celebration. In other leagues this is frowned upon, but since no one cares about your sport, I think you can get away with this. But here is the catch, every time a team scores, they have to do the BLADES OF STEEL CELEBRATION. I swear that will go over so huge with the demographic of people who were kids in the early 1990's. Plus it's not offensive or anything.

2. Your slogan "The Coolest game on Earth", that's cute. I mean ice, cool, nice little play on words. So, I say we make a slight change to slogan. How about this?

"Baseball, football, basketball, nascar, golf, arena league football, the westminster dog show, darts, soccer, billiards, trick shot bowling, poker, water-skiing, senior women's LPGA, cricket, high school wrestling in Des Moines, Iowa and any other sport imaginable has a larger fan following. But we're the coolest game on Earth"

Now I know that's a bit of a mouthful, but I think it really captures the state of the game today, and it's out of control freight train momentum in the United States.

3. Why don't you put expansion teams in huge hockey hotbeds like Miami, Carolina, Atlanta, Anaheim, and Arizona. Oh you already did? Ok nevermind. Ok try New Hamburg, Ontario then. The New Hamburg Hamburglars.

4. Bring back guys who had really great and funny names to pronounce like Lou Fransighetti, Al Iafrate, and Wendel Clark. Wendel is hilarious to pronounce out loud! I don't care if they can't play anymore...funny names=more fans.

5. When players get into a fight, have a huge cage drop down over the two players. And let them usr their sticks to as weapons. Sure a player might get seriously hurt or killed, but it opens up opportunities for younger players to get into the line up.

6. Now a huge problem when the best team plays the worst team. It's hard to get people into the game because it's a bit anti-climatic. But remember when you used to play road hockey Gary back in the day? Oh that's right, you didn't even know what hockey was until you were named commissioner. Anyways if like a team like Detroit who is first place plays a poor team like San Jose, the Sharks get a four goal spot right away. Genius...

7. Instead of calling it hockey, try calling it "football's reatrded cousin." See, people associate words with certain things. Like Nike and Michael Jordan, Betty Ford and Robert Downey Jr. So if people see the name "football" which is actually a successful sport, people will associate it with being successful. Perception is reality Gary.

8. When you guys run advertisements, your theme song should be "Cold as Ice" by Foreigner.

I hope these tips help Gary. I am a longtime fan, first time writer. I know it's easy to be critical, but I am just trying to do the right thing.

Trace Milyn

Sports Entertainment Guru

Dear Santa

2005-12-22T18:08:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa:

My name is Trace Milyn and I am a starving 24 year old actor living in LA. I know you don't usually get letters from 24 year olds, but if anyone can help me, maybe it's you. I will make it quick, my favourite movie of all time is Back to the Future. I liked Back to the Future 2, but I wasn't a fan of part 3. I gave it the benefit of the doubt though, because the third part of any trilogy is always the worst historically. But I was reading that they are doing a fourth back to the future. Please Santa! Do everything you can in your mysterious powers to stop this! I'll admit I have done my fair share of bad things in my life, but I also have done a lot of good things to! I don't have much in my life Santa, plus I bought the box set of BTTF last year thinking that would be the end of it! You can't let this happen! Come on, we have been subjected to such craptastic Christmas movies like Christmas with the Kranks, and many Tim Allen christmas nightmares...take your pic Santa. But I have grinned and beared it. But you can't let them do this to my favourite movie of all time! I will do anything you want for the rest of my life! I will wrap gifts at X-Mas, I will go carolling all night, I will put on a rap version of the Nutcracker with Slick Rick and Naughty By Nature!!
Santa, I expect big things from you!

PS-my Mom wants a magic bullet. I left the cookies and milk where I left them last year Santa...at the grocery store. No, just kidding Santa! They will be by the fireplace!

Trace

1,000,000 dollar reward

2005-12-20T17:28:00.000-08:00

Can you come up with a just one caption that would best describe this photo?

I'll take a shot at it:

"The Hoff reminds you to have all of your pets spayed and neutered"

"Who needs pants when you have furry puppies to wear?"

"When your curiosity goes beyond experimenting with men and women..."

"Who let the dogs out.... on David Hasslehoff's nuts?"

"Drink Pepsi"

This picture scares me so much....